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Doug Stanhope: Johnny Depp ‘thanked’ me for ‘being honest’ about Amber Heard

Embed from Getty Images Just days after Amber Heard first went to court, seeking and receiving a restraining order against Johnny Depp after she presented a mountain of evidence that Depp was a domestic abuser, Depp’s good friend Doug Stanhope came out to defend his bro. Stanhope, a comedian, wrote an “op-ed” for The Wrap about how all of Depp’s friends knew that Amber was a super-manipulative wet blanket and everybody hated her and she was crying abuse to blackmail Depp. It was one of the biggest douche-bro defenses I’ve ever read. Amber thought so too. She filed a lawsuit against Stanhope for defamation days later. I sincerely hoped that the lawsuit would shut him up. It did not. Stanhope appeared on Howard Stern’s show on Monday to tell his side of the story. Douchebag says what? Johnny Depp’s pal Doug Stanhope broke his silence about the defamation lawsuit Amber Heard filed over the explosive op-ed he wrote for TheWrap, in which he claimed that the actress was blackmailing her estranged husband. Stanhope, 49, was a guest on The Howard Stern Show on Monday, June 20. He told Stern that Legalzoom.com is defending him in the case. “Anything that I say, they can twist my words,” the comedian complained. “It’s such a bulls–t suit.” He went on to detail his side of the story about the article, and how it went viral after it was posted on TheWrap on May 29, six days after Heard filed for divorce from Depp. “I put it on my website. The title was ‘At a Loss for Words’ … whatever it was. TheWrap got it as an exclusive, however that worked, and said, ‘Amber Heard Is Blackmailing Johnny Depp — This Is How I Know.’ I didn’t write that f–king title. I didn’t put that stupid tabloid title in there. I’m a better writer than that, so I don’t know if it’s hinged on that, I don’t know how much of it is spite.” While Heard called the piece “highly defamatory,” Stanhope said that Johnny Depp was happy with it. “I had no contact with [Depp] until he texted me after that went out and said, ‘Hey, thanks for being honest.’ He didn’t know that was going out. I was a little petrified because it kind of made him look like a bitch. ‘Cause he was kind of a bitch,” he said. Although he admitted it “still feels like name-dropping,” Stanhope maintained that he didn’t write the op-ed for publicity, and said the lawsuit is comical to him because he doesn’t have millions of dollars to lose. “The idea of some Hollywood supermodel lady winning all of my s–t … She would be locking the doors driving down my street even without seeing a person. I live on the Mexican border in this dirty pothole-riddled neighborhood.” Stanhope still stands by what he wrote, and repeated his allegations from the article on the radio show. “I visited him that day,” he said of May 21, the day Heard says Depp hit her with a cellphone during a violent argument. “He was alluding to the fact that she was going to do something like this. She didn’t come out until a week later that that happened. But it happened that night, and he was alluding to she’s going to do something like this.” “I think what she’s trying to do is make me shut the f–k up,” Stanhope concluded. “Because I can’t say anything about it, and now I’m talking more.” [From Us Weekly] The most interesting part is that Depp called him to “thank” him for being “honest” after the op-ed was published. If you go back and read the op-ed, it’s not like Stanhope was being honest about witnessing whatever dynamic between Amber and Johnny. He was being “honest” about the sh-t Depp had told him, stuff which Stanhope just took as gospel. Depp told Stanhope that Amber was going to claim that he (Depp) was abusive. And since Stanhope is incapable of critical thinking, he just believed that Depp was some kind of savant rather than an abuser who was enlisting his bros’ help in gaslighting his victimized wife. Embed from Getty Images Photos courtesy of Getty, Fame/Flynet.

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Kim Kardashian: Wrap Your Next Gift With My Butt Cheeks!

Next time you buy a gift for a loved one, show them how much you really care by enveloping the keepsake in a paper shroud of Kim Kardashian's butt cheeks. Yes, this is a thing you can actually do now, thanks to the shameless promotion of Kim K. herself. As owner of the world's most famous ass, Kim has plastered her cartoon Kimoji butts all over a sheet of high-end paper and is selling the rolls for $35 a pop. Thirty-five dollars? It'd be far cheaper to DIY with a few copies of her Paper magazine shoot and some Elmer's glue, but that's just me. Actually, no. Because who wants to receive any sort of present wrapped in Kim's ass? We see that thing all day, err day in all of our internet feeds, whether we want to or not. But don't despair, if you prefer the other end of Kim's bod, you can also purchase a roll of the wrap featuring her cry face. At this point, pics of Kim's butt or any other body part is truly just passe and barely worth a glance, because they're not exactly in short supply. Recently, the selfie queen took it all off for GQ magazine, and the only one who even seemed to look twice was her husband Kanye West. Actually, we take that back. Her ex-husband Kris Humphries reportedly described her images in the magazine as "scrumptious," although Gossip Cop refuted that claim. Ironically, even though Kim's ample ass has brought her fame and fortune, she now wants to downsize her badonkadonk. While she's met her goal of losing all the weight she gained while pregnant with her son Saint West, she says wants to lose 12 more pounds of butt weight to get down to 120. "My butt and my hips are the last to go, but I'm not stopping!" Kardashian said. “I want to lose my bum, not all the way but it’s weird how your body changes with different babies," she told fans at London's Vogue Festival last month. “I want to get to Kim 2010-11 so I’m really going to focus and get there,” she added. And when that happens, she can re-brand the wrapping paper as "Vintage Kim" and charge an extra $25. She already sent some to Kylie Jenner, who posted it on Snapchat: