Full Met Gala Red Carpet Review


Categories: celebrities
Full Met Gala Red Carpet Review

As Always I begin by issuing this one caveat; We are commenting on the clothing worn, not the soul of these people.  Enjoy this review with a sense of humor and a grain of salt.

I have to say that Anna Wintour needs to get her shit together and start uninviting people who refuse to dress on theme.  You’re going to see that’s a large number of the people here.   The theme was “Camp”, as in silly, loud, ironic, meta, ludicrous, Kanye-like… think gaga in a dress made out of Kermit the Frog dolls.

There was nothing but opportunity for fun here. You couldn’t mess this up, you could only get more and more camp.  But leave it to people who are this self obsessed to refuse to be playful on the carpet.  They’re the grown up version of the girls dressed as “sexy cat” at Halloween.

You know what? Lets just begin.

We have to start with Gaga.  She was first to arrive and frankly this is about as in her wheelhouse as an event can get.  She came in a Brandon Maxwell dress that was four parts, which she striped out of one by one.  It was pretty creative and very on theme.  Exciting? A little hard when you once wore a dress made of meat.  But still, I respect her dedication to all things theatrical.

Saoirse Ronan was magical in her armored Gucci gown.  The thing was slick with sequins, stitched on her to within an inch of her life and emblazoned with gold flames that shot off her shoulders.  This might be too fierce to be camp, but I got to allow it. It’s Wowee wow.

Zendaya played Cinderella in this Hilfiger number and I’m agreeing it’s on theme, but I’m just bored by it, mostly.  Although her (Judith Leiber?) bag is a pumpkin carriage and that’s fucking adorable.

My good friend Tracee Ross came in Moschino looking like Phoebe Buffay’s Gladys painting. Which is totally on theme. You go bb.

Stopit. How fun are Tommy Hilfiger and his wife, Dee?  Naturally in a design of his own they’re patriotic campy and I approve.  Her I Dream of Jeannie hair is fun as hell.

Zoe Saldana is one of my ride or die fashion icons. So I’m furious she came no where near them.  And Micheal Kors knows better.  Perhaps they thought the theme was Polynesian Disco.  Whatever, girl. You look fierce and I love you.

Serena Williams in Versace.  Hmm.  I mean the campy colors are there. And by all means the hideousness of the dress should push it well over the camp line.  I guess I’ll allow it in the “Camp: Hot Mess” category.

Regina Hall in Gucci.  See, this isn’t campy. The bee is a long time logo of Gucci and frankly, the brocade skirt on this is gorgeous. And btw, who broke your heart tonight, bae? You look ready to pitch a fit.

Uhhh…. Thank you, Pryanka, for buh-ringing IT.   Mrs Jonas showed up with hubby wearing Dior Couture and it’s fabulous. From the crown to the sweeping feathers and silver cape.  Invitation renewed.

Nikki Minaj has to know better. Half her career is her wearing camp.  She’s in Probal Gurung and despite being in a dress the size of a yacht, I’m left unimpressed.

Mindy Kaling is in Moschino… I swear Moschino is playing a joke on me.  This is a fashion house that put out a collection parodying McDonalds uniforms and dresses with Candy Crush on them. This is how they feature at …. whatever. She looks fun.

Just because you could have worn it to an 80’s prom does not automatically make a dress camp.  I can see your thought process, Miley, but you and YSL are wrong.

Lupita Nyong’o went there.  She told Donatella Versace “I want it to be campy, but I also want to look like I would cut a bitch.”  syke. This is awesome. I have no doubt combs in fros will make a hard comeback from this.

I’m not a big Lena Dunham fan, but she and Jemima Kirke wore Christopher Kane and were completely on point.  This is as close to what I envisioned when I first heard the theme announced.  Those jewel wristlets are to die for.

Ok. I needed to pray on this dress before I really “got it”.  Kim K, as always, baring her bits in this Maison Mugler dress that’s adorned with crystals that are supposed to look like drops of water. Her gel soaked hair, the shiny fabric… it really does all work.  I’m gonna have to approve this.  It’s pretty wild.

The Jenner sisters were there too, all though no shit I though Kylie was Lil’ Kim at first.  That in itself has to qualify you for camp.  Kendall is doing the Vegas showgirl thing. Does not qualify.

Cardi B has taken the Rihana slot, I see.  This enormous dress is camp on bath salts, but also just utter artistry in its detail and grandeur.  This should come off her after the festivities and immediate be installed in the museum.   Thom Browne, take a bow.

Seriously. I’d watch a documentary of this being made.

Katy Perry falls into the Gaga category for me in that she wears insane things all the time. But yes, this is totally on point and you know what? THIS is the Moschino I was looking for.  Jeremy Scott (creative director) is bat shit crazy and this is how I wanted to see him represented.

Kacey Musgraves also in Moschino.  I love it. It’s totally on theme. It’s Barbie and nothing is campier than Barbie.  Hair Dryer purse, people. This is how you embrace the world of camp.

Julianne Moore is wearing Valentino, but here’s the thing. This is something she’d wear to the Globes.  I’m not even kidding a little.  Sparkling chartreuse ruffles with a scoop neck the size of a toilet seat.  This isn’t a loaner. She’s wearing this again. Bought and paid for.

Jared Leto is like the Prince of the hipsters, so the leap to camp was likely a comfortable and short one. But jeeze I’m glad he did.   It’s Gucci, it’s a severed head, it’s a crystal harness.  I mean whats not to love here?

There’s my girl.  Janelle Monae asked Christian Siriano to bake her the perfect cubist gown, the likes of which Picasso himself would envy.  The tiered hats, the feather lashes…  the glove… omg how did he know to make the glove. He’s genius.

Honestly, I didn’t know Harry Styles was this cool.  Thanks for playin, man.  Gucci.

Hailee Seinfeld in Viktor and Rolf. This was totally a part of the spring line. So I don’t know how campy it is, but I do love it. The bow was a missed opportunity to camp it up.

Let me tell you why I’m sharing Gwen Paltrow in Chloe, looking like she got lost somewhere between the bed and the bathroom, and why I’m pissed.  She has said multiple times she would never attend the gala again after her last time there.  So now she crawls back and this is how she plays along?

Actress Gemma Chan looks amazing and I love love love that headdress, but your dress is down right elegant and, strange as it sounds, that’s an insult here.   btw, I wiiiishhh I could see the fringe dress in the background.

Florence Welch’s Gucci cape is another one that should immediate be placed in a temperature controlled, Plexiglas box and put on display.  Jesus.  Somewhere David Bowie’s spirit is feeling very aroused.

Ryan Murphy, creator of Glee, came. to. fucking. play.  He too sought the genius of Christian Siriano and the outcome was this Liberace inspired, pearl covered, coquille hooded, sequin suited masterpiece.

Crikey! Ezra Miller decided to play it simple in clothing and instead focus on the total mindfuck he’d deliver with his hella detailed make up work. Well played.

Dakota Johnson in Gucci. Love the dress. Like Luh-uv.  Not on theme. Sit down, please.

Celine Dion in Oscar de le Renta… Certainly a wow and wild look.  I’ll allow it.

Stage performer Billy Porter came to this event prepared to shut down all those who come against him.  Looking like he just broke himself off the hood of a Rolls Royce, this magnificent winged ensemble was made for him by The Blonds.  It also wins my pick for best costume gown of the evening.

I hope you enjoyed our review.

Oh and an enormous shout out to RCFA, where I got many of the pics and confirmed many of the dress designers. Just a great site.

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