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Beyoncé Crashed a Karaoke Party, Ruined Friendships Forever

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I’m back on the Beyoncé train these days – hey, if you’ve listened to the self-titled album, you really can’t blame me – so I loved reading that Bey crashed into a booth at Sing Sing Karaoke in Miami on Tuesday when she heard the girls in it were singing her song ‘Party’. Kelly Rowland was with her, and the girls took forever to even realise that it was Beyoncé and Kelly Rowland standing in front of them.

The worst part of this story is that one of the girls was sleeping (yes, in a karaoke booth – she must’ve been wasted) and Beyoncé photobombed her and NO ONE EVER WOKE HER UP. Let me put it out into the world now that if I was sleeping somewhere and Beyoncé walks in and you don’t wake my ass up, we are no longer friends. In fact, we’re probably mortal enemies. However, I also have to ask: how on earth did this girl NOT WAKE UP? Of course the other girls will have been losing their shit, and she’s got Bey snuggling up to her to take pictures and she’s still dead to the world? SMH on that one.  I mean, look at this:

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Those girls were probably shitting themselves. Even if they weren’t massive Beyoncé fans (and these days, who isn’t? Shh, I know many of you hate her!), the shock of having a massive celebrity like that walk into a random karaoke night would be enough to make anyone a little crazy.

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I still want to hear from the sleeping friend, though. And I also want to know why, of all the Beyoncé songs in the world, they picked ‘Party’. I mean, come on, people. Step up your game.

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Beyoncé Looks Good In a Bikini, In Case There Was Doubt

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I guess even Beyoncé needs a break from it all sometimes, so she hightailed it down to Jamaica with her sister Solange and another friend for a little R&R – and a lot of selfie taking/posting. That’s right, Beyoncé wants you to know that she looks damn good in a bikini and that her life is way more fabulous than yours, and don’t you forget it.

So, what’s a holiday with Beyoncé like? Well, it’s all private jets and fancy villas and lounging on the beach. It’s a beautiful thing. Have a look at some of her snaps below and then look out your window at the rain and wind (if you’re in New York) and hate your life just slightly. (I kid!) I just hope this vacation prepped her for the difficulty of being a 22-day vegan.

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What In the Hell is Beyoncé’s 2014 Calendar?

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Believe me when I tell you that I wanted to look at the photos from Beyoncé‘s 2014 calendar and think, “Oh shit, this is (Sasha) FIERCE!” but I just cannot. I’m not sure who devised the concept for these photos (most likely the Queen herself), but it’s all wrong. Every single shot is just… terrible. This is her first ever official calendar and was made by photographers Herring & Herring and the arts agency Schierke, but if it was gonna be this bad, she shoulda never had one to begin with.

The pseudo-sexy poses, the weird masculine “I can wear a hat and smoke a cigar while still showing a little bit of my tits” nonsense… none of it works and quite frankly, it comes off looking a little cheap. If I didn’t know better, I’d think the photo with the white draped dress was Mary J Blige! A big ole NOPE goes out to this whole thing.

Am I wrong here? Are these shots actually hot? Someone explain it to me!

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Beyoncé Releases New Music That Sounds Nothing Like Beyoncé Music

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Beyoncé is gearing up for her big comeback after giving birth to the second coming, and plenty of changes are afoot. She’s shed some pounds, gone platinum blonde for her upcoming tour and to complete the package, Beyoncé has now released new music… which sounds absolutely nothing like Beyoncé music.

I’m a big fan of Queen Bey’s, musically speaking – she makes some really great pop/hip hop crossover tracks that are catchy, fun to listen and sing along do and generally send a decent enough message to young girls (not that she exists to be a role model, but you know what I mean). But somehow, hearing her sing lyrics like “don’t get it twisted, this my shit/bow down bitches” just seems disingenuous and doesn’t ring true at all. Sure, some people will argue that this is Jay-Z‘s influence on her sound, to which I say: Really? They’ve been together since 2006, so no dice on that one.

The whole thing about Beyoncé is that she’s always been – in my opinion, anyway – rather effortlessly cool. She’s smart, modern and won’t be told what to do in any sense, and I think most of her fans admire that about her. This just seems… incredibly try-hard and kind of makes me cringe. I should mention that the clip is apparently a mash up of two new tracks from her upcoming album. I’ll say this – if it’s a taste of what the entire album’s going to be like, I’ll be pretty disappointed.

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