Ellie Goulding wrote a deeply personal note to her fans on New Year’s Eve in which she opened up about her mental health over the last year. In many ways, she explained, it was the best year of her life. She wrote new music, released her first book, performed with Joni Mitchell and gave birth to her first child, Arthur. But Ellie said that throughout, she’d struggled with anxiety. It was bad enough that she found herself unable to answer when asked how she was doing. Instead of hiding her anxiety any longer, Ellie said she decided to let her fans know both to empower herself and to reach out to others who are also crippled by anxiety.
Ellie Goulding rang in the New Year with a confession about her mental health.
In an Instagram post shared before the start of 2022, Goulding confessed to struggling with anxiety amid “the very best” year of her life.
“This year has also been the hardest of my life,” the musician wrote in a slideshow posted on her page. “I’ve struggled daily, nightly, hourly with a kind of panic I didn’t even know existed. While the moments of being on stage in front of all of you have been some of the most exhilarating and calming, this year I have been struggling.”
Reflecting on the past, Goulding said her anxiety likely “dictated quite a lot of my life and career,” which makes her “feel sad.” However, the “Power” singer said anxiety has also helped make her who she is today.
“I want to tell you this on the last day of this year because so many of you have been asking how I’m doing and often do not get a reply. It’s because I’ve been too scared to admit that the answer is, not very good,” she wrote. “I feel like something is broken inside – something that has been echoed deeply by the few I have opened up to.”
She continued, “This is something so so many people have gone through, you may be going through right now, or might go through in the future – and I just wanted to say, and I have to remind myself all the time, that it’s not just you, it’s not just me. Crippled by anxiety.”
“For those that are in this right now, we’re together and we can get through this – most importantly, by talking. Talking and opening up is the hardest, and the best thing you can do.”
At the end of her note, Goulding reminded readers that “Life is a precious thing and seeing Arthur grow every day gives me so much hope. … Let’s get through this together. 2022 is going to be a bright year. Positive energy. Together.”
Goulding concluded: “Signing off (for a bit) and sending so much love, as ever, to you all xx.”
I posted Ellie’s IG post below for those who want to read it. I do not have anxiety, so I don’t know exactly what Ellie went or is going through. I have my own struggles with depression and know what it’s like to not want to answer the “how are you?” question. Mental illness is such an abusive relationship because it keeps you from those who want to make you better, including yourself. It really does dictate your life. And when you think you have the strength to reach out for help, you lose it mid reach. So although I don’t know everything Ellie is feeling, I do know how hard it was to push send on this. It was probably doubly hard because she knew there would be those who judged her for talking about it after so many good things happened last year. And that’s part of the issue. Good events don’t “cure” mental health struggles. But talking about the struggles and connecting with others who identify can help manage them.
At the end of Ellie’s note, she said she was signing off for a bit. The response to her post was so positive she signed on IG once more to thank everyone. Ellie said she felt “supported and loved, and most of all, not alone! It means a great deal.” I’m glad she got the support she deserved. It took guts to put herself out there like that. I hope the time away from social media does her some good. And I hope those that Ellie reached with her post are getting the same love that she did.
Photo credit: Avalon Red and Instagram
