Moir: King Charles & Camilla are ‘as charismatic as a couple of garden gnomes’

Jan Moir is a columnist for the Daily Mail. She’s old, white and terrible. She’s written completely unhinged things about the Duke and Duchess of Sussex, and she’s been particularly racist and dehumanizing to Meghan. So, she’s a garbage person. But she still has a job and she still needs to fill her columns somehow, which makes it extra funny when she turns her nasty, withering gaze onto the all-white Windsors. Moir has also been extremely critical of Prince William and Kate for how much they trot out their kids, and she had some vicious words for their Caribbean Flop Tour last year. Now Moir turns her gaze on the coronation, and the headline is: “I fear Charles’s Coronation will prove to be the beginning of the end of the monarchy… The Carolean age may be historically correct but the term lacks a certain glamour.” Ouch. Some highlights:

The Carolean Age: “King Charles and Queen Camilla? How the heart sinks at the prospect. I’m finding it hard to be inspired at the elevation of these former star-crossed lovers into the constitutional head of state and his fragrant consort. Yes, they seem like perfectly nice people who have embraced myriad good causes. And yes, they always do their best on duty, shuffling about in their mossy tweeds or evening velvets, oozing twinkly charm when needs must.”

Charisma vacuums: “But let’s be honest. Charles and Camilla are about as charismatic as a couple of garden gnomes. Can they really be trusted to carry the mantle of monarchy onwards and upwards, appealing to a new generation and deepening bonds of fealty with the public? I just can’t see it. Or feel it. Or get it. For together, these snowy-haired septuagenarians muster the combined star power of an imperial Uncle Bulgaria and Madame Cholet, handicapped by an unfortunate lack of magnetism and a changing shift in attitudes.”

Charles can’t inspire like QEII: “When the Queen was crowned in 1953 she was a young, unknown entity and a clean page; a dark-haired, solemn monarch who went on to put duty first for decade after decade. A woman who inspired devotion and even love in her subjects — but can her son ever command the same depth of loyalty? He hasn’t even got the crown on his head yet, but already we know that Charles often puts Charles first. Perhaps he is right to do so, considering that for him — and his elder son — destiny is something that is singular and fixed. A gilded prison that is becoming increasingly corporate and under attack.”

People are hostile to the monarchy: “Not only has the age of deference gone, the very concepts that the monarchy is built upon are regarded with suspicion and even hostility. These include inherited wealth, white privilege, possession of territories and the rules of succession — not to mention the enthusiastic acquisition of gold and jewels, titles and lands, rents and riches. With the best will in the clamouring world, it is beginning to feel a little . . . uncomfortable.

The thrill has gone. “Since Charles was a boy his life has been pegged out in increments; from cherry brandy to Tampongate to fountain pen petulance to his failings as a father; the latter so cruelly divulged by his bitter younger son. Charles cheated on his wife and married his mistress, accepted bad money for good causes, had his valet pre-paste his toothbrush every morning. This doesn’t make him a bad King, just an all too human one.

Unpopular Charles: “Charles comes to the throne in the autumn of his life, dragging an unfortunate hinterland and a tattered cloak behind him. One can wish him well, but also accept the unlikelihood that he will ever enjoy the widespread love and devotion of the people that his mother did. In the symbiotic relationship between the monarchy and the people, something profound died along with the Queen and Prince Philip. And despite Charles’s best efforts, no amount of pomp or magic anointing oil will ever bring it back.

[From The Daily Mail]

She may be vile, but Moir isn’t wrong in this particular, narrow instance. The Carolean Age is not it. “Charles and Camilla are about as charismatic as a couple of garden gnomes.” Very true. Does anyone else find it curious that Moir is basically joining Dan Wootton in explicitly criticizing Charles? Tom Bower also called him a “weak man” in an interview this week. Is… is Prince William making some kind of move? Is there an effort to kneecap Charles even before the Chubbly? Or are all of these commentators merely looking at what’s before them, another decade trying to make fetch happen, and they’re quietly revolting?

Photos courtesy of Avalon Red, Cover Images.