Donald Trump’s birthday parade was a sad, rainy, pathetic exercise in narcissism

Donald Trump’s birthday parade went ahead as scheduled on Saturday, amid political assassinations, thunderstorms and what was reportedly the largest organized protest in history, the nationwide (and international) No Kings protest. To say that the parade was poorly attended would be the understatement of the year. It reminded me of Trump’s dumbass political rallies, which got smaller and smaller every year. Trump supporters are totally fine with everything he does, but they stopped caring about stroking his ego years ago.

On Saturday, President Donald Trump held a hideously expensive military parade in Washington, D.C., on his birthday. Trump and his top officials stood on a stage at the National Mall behind two tanks, before two large digital American flags. Military bands and troops, some on horses, some in vehicles, some in tanks, others in Howitzers, marched in the streets. So did a few robot dogs. An army parachute team jumped down. Helicopters flew over. Drones flew by. There were many, many tanks.

The spectacle was billed as honoring the U.S. Army’s 250th birthday — and planners put in admirable effort to sell this fiction, with processions designed to honor key times in American military history. In reality, the event was just one part of the Trump administration’s vast, billion-dollar government effort to make the leader feel good about himself.

The weekend’s pageantry, which some administration officials referred to as “Donald Trump’s birthday parade” behind closed doors, fulfilled the president’s longtime desire for a grand military parade. Starting at the Pentagon in Virginia, the troops in the parade — who honored the Revolutionary War, the Civil War, World War II, the Korean War, the Vietnam War, and the Global War on Terror — had to walk for about two-and-a-half miles.

Trump sat next to his wife Melania and the former Fox News host, Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth. At points, Trump stood alone in front onstage, such as when he saluted troops marching as the 1st Cavalry Division. At another point, Secretary of State Marco Rubio was pictured yawning on C-SPAN. The military officials shown on C-SPAN spoke with reverence about the War on Terror.

After two hours, the event reached its logical conclusion: political speeches. J.D. Vance briefly went first. “June 14 is of course the birthday of the Army,” Vance said. “It is, of course, the birthday of the president of the United States. And Happy Birthday, Mr. President.” He delivered the laugh line of the night. “It’s also my wedding anniversary,” he said before immediately leaving the stage.

[From Rolling Stone]

Rubio wasn’t the only one with a case of the sleepies – it looks like Melania also dozed off for a moment mid-parade. This whole disaster was intended to be some kind of showcase for military might and Trump-era power, and it failed miserably – the United States military looked idiotic and like they were swearing an oath to a fascist dictator who misspells “parade” as “perade.”

The silent crowd with the squeaking has me CRYING pic.twitter.com/3QhHnAyXVw

— B.W. Carlin (@BaileyCarlin) June 14, 2025

Our idiot-in-chief folks

“PERADE” pic.twitter.com/kOpuomqSKT

— Rep. Eric Swalwell (@RepSwalwell) June 14, 2025

Photos courtesy of Cover Images.