gwyneth paltrow annoying

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Gwyneth Paltrow likes being slapped in the face

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Okay, so that headline was slightly misleading. What Gwyneth Paltrow actually enjoys are “aggressive facials” (i.e. cosmetic procedures without actual scalpels) that feel like you’re having rubber bands snapped against your face repeatedly. Mmm, sounds relaxing! From Hello! (via E!): The actress told Hello! magazine that she loves the effective but not-so-pleasant Thermage laser treatment. “It’s non-invasive but it’s quite painful, like having your face smacked with a rubber band that has an electric shock in it. But it works.” The Thermage treatment is also commonly known as the “face-ironing treatment.” Yikes. Sound painful enough for you? But there’s a reason why stars like Gwyneth keep coming back for more. The treatment boosts collagen levels in the skin’s lower layers, creating a tightening effect to the top layer. But even if you’re up for the pain, Thermage laser treatments will cost you. A half-face treatment costs around $3,900, while a full-face treatment comes with the hefty price tag of $5,240. Girl, just go get the full facelift like you’ll end up doing anyway – you could probably get one for the price of two of those “facials” you’re after. I’m cool with whatever, but I wish Goop would get off her lifestyle high horse and stop acting like she’s above all the other women getting older in Hollywood because she’s so holistic. Bullshit. Those “facials” are cosmetic procedures tantamount to plastic surgery, just done with lasers (which is kinda the wave of the future, anyway). Same effect, same purpose – and totally rich from someone who proclaimed that Botox is “vain”. Sorry to break it to you, Gwyneth, but you and Kris Jenner are more alike than you think. Follow us on Twitter | Facebook

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Chris Martin wishes he could give you a Gwyneth Paltrow scandal, but he can’t

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Gwyenth Paltrow and Chris Martin announced their “conscious uncoupling” earlier this year, but there have been a million and one rumours about the possibility of them getting back together. They’re constantly hanging out together – more than any separated people usually do, even with kids in the picture – but don’t get ahead of yourself, because they’re not reuniting, they just really care about each other. BORING. From 104.3′s Valentine in the Morning (via US Weekly): “The truth is — well, I don’t really love talking about this stuff. But the thing we told everyone at the beginning of the year is true,” the 37-year-old said. “We are very close, we are not together. But, we’re…you know…that’s the truth… and uh, that’s it.” “You know, there’s a lot of love,” he continued. “So there’s nothing — there’s no scandal I’m afraid. I wish i could give you scandal.” Chris has always come off as a really decent guy, so I’m not surprised that he’s handled this entire thing in such a quiet and dignified way. It’s also really great for their kids that this whole thing has gone so smoothly. The last thing kids need is messy ass parents – especially famous ones – ruining their lives with unnecessary drama. Follow us on Twitter | Facebook

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Gwyneth Paltrow won’t stop bragging about her divorce

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Look, I know the source is somewhat wonky on this one, but is it really so hard to believe that Gwyneth Paltrow is being insufferable about her perfectly orchestrated divorce announcement? She and Chris Martin announced their “conscious uncoupling” last month, and apparently Goopy hasn’t shut up about it since because she thinks she did so brilliantly with it. From Radar Online: “’Conscious uncoupling’ has become a joke among Gwyneth’s friend,” a source close to the 41-year-old Country Strong star told Radar. “All she’s doing is bragging about how peaceful her divorce is and how she and Chris planned it so perfectly that it is hardly disrupting their lives.” “Gwyneth has always thought she had the most perfect life and even though she’s getting a divorce and both of them are getting bad press she doesn’t care,” the source told Radar. “She has become insufferable saying how happy she is with the way everything is evolving,” the source told Radar. “It’s so ridiculous to listen to her talk as if nothing bad is going on at all for her.  But Gwyneth has always had a protected privileged life and this is no different.” LOL, yeah, this actually sounds 100% legit. Now, I wonder how she’ll gracefully get out of that GOOP financial trouble… Follow us on Twitter | Facebook