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Gwyneth Paltrow likes being slapped in the face

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Okay, so that headline was slightly misleading. What Gwyneth Paltrow actually enjoys are “aggressive facials” (i.e. cosmetic procedures without actual scalpels) that feel like you’re having rubber bands snapped against your face repeatedly. Mmm, sounds relaxing! From Hello! (via E!): The actress told Hello! magazine that she loves the effective but not-so-pleasant Thermage laser treatment. “It’s non-invasive but it’s quite painful, like having your face smacked with a rubber band that has an electric shock in it. But it works.” The Thermage treatment is also commonly known as the “face-ironing treatment.” Yikes. Sound painful enough for you? But there’s a reason why stars like Gwyneth keep coming back for more. The treatment boosts collagen levels in the skin’s lower layers, creating a tightening effect to the top layer. But even if you’re up for the pain, Thermage laser treatments will cost you. A half-face treatment costs around $3,900, while a full-face treatment comes with the hefty price tag of $5,240. Girl, just go get the full facelift like you’ll end up doing anyway – you could probably get one for the price of two of those “facials” you’re after. I’m cool with whatever, but I wish Goop would get off her lifestyle high horse and stop acting like she’s above all the other women getting older in Hollywood because she’s so holistic. Bullshit. Those “facials” are cosmetic procedures tantamount to plastic surgery, just done with lasers (which is kinda the wave of the future, anyway). Same effect, same purpose – and totally rich from someone who proclaimed that Botox is “vain”. Sorry to break it to you, Gwyneth, but you and Kris Jenner are more alike than you think. Follow us on Twitter | Facebook

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Gwyneth Paltrow and GOOP are in big financial trouble

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Last week, Gwyneth Paltrow‘s friend and GOOP CEO Seb Bishop up and quit out of nowhere. It all seemed kind of suspicious, and while people were trying to say it was because he didn’t like that she announced her divorce from a company perspective, it seems like things might be a tad more serious, since GOOP seems to be in over $1 million worth of debt. From Radar Online: For two years running, they racked up serious losses totaling more than $300,000 — thanks in part to an interest-free loan Paltrow took from the company coffers! According to the most recent corporate documentation filed with the Companies House in the U.K., in 2011, GOOP “incurred a loss of $255,312 (£152,060) and had a net liabilities of $259,969 (£154,834).” And in 2012, they reported “a loss of $39,823 (£23,718) and … net liabilities of $298,512 (£177,788).” It’s not that GOOP wasn’t making money. In fact, in 2012, they raked in more than $1.5 million (£908,378), thanks in part to $463,486 (£276,040) in product sales, as well as an impressive (£222,243) from Groupon promotions and $373,159 (£535,002) in commissions. All told, the company made $1,893,065 (£1,127,456). But that same year, GOOP spent $98,150 (£58,456) on Goop.com, $79,961 (£47,623) on the notorious GOOP newsletter, $189,590 (£112,918) on product costs, and a whopping $1,564,995 (£932,096) in administrative expenses,” adding up to the grand profit total of a loss of $39,823 (£23,718). Chief among those “administrative expenses” were Paltrow and CEO Sebastian Bishop’s “renumeration,” or salaries, for which the company allotted $587,653.25 (£350,000), a sizable increase from the previous year’s figure of $172,585 (£102,788), despite the company’s losses. The documents also show that in 2012, both Paltrow and Bishop were the recipient of interest-free “loans to directors,” with Paltrow’s listed at a balance of $49,025 (£29,200), of which none was paid back, and Bishop’s at $83,617 (£49,800). Other expenses in 2012 included $456,007 (£271,584) in other wages, $34,507 (£20,551) on travel, nearly $4,000 (£2,118) on “Entertaining,” and nearly $5,000 (£2,951) on “Staff Entertainment.” Sooooo… basically they were sorta cooking their own books, or at the very least ignoring the dire financial situation to make sure they got paid even if the company was sinking. There are a lot more numbers that are worth taking a look at (if you care about this sort of thing), but it looks like GOOP may soon be taking a bow unless she can sell a whole lot of $500 sweaters soon.