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Justin Bieber is getting a short visit from the karma fairy

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If karma paid Justin Bieber the visit he’s truly owed, she’d be there for the next year, so unfortunately we only get a small dose of comeuppance sent his way. Which is fair enough. Remember how he egged his neighbour’s house and was told to pay him and go to community service? Well, he’s forked over $80,000, done 6 of his required 12 anger management classes and it’s about time for some community service (though it’s hardly hard labour!).

From TMZ:

Justin Bieber will satisfy his community labor requirement in the egging case by working for MusiCares … a foundation that helps musicians struggling with health, addiction and other issues … TMZ has learned.

Sources connected with the case tell TMZ … Justin will satisfy his 5-day labor requirement by working at the facility’s L.A. headquarters, doing things like painting walls and moving office furniture. We’re told he will NOT be teaching music to anyone … the entire 5 days will involve physical labor.

People required to do community labor typically perform services in 3 ways … picking up trash on roads and freeways, graffiti removal and beach clean-up.

The problem with Bieber — everyone involved realized it would be impossible for him to do any of this because there would be a mob scene which would probably prevent him from doing the work.

We’re told there’s precedent for using MusiCares to fulfill community labor requirements. The Probation Dept. and judges have allowed it before, and it serves the function.

Bieber’s lawyer Shawn Holley was in court Monday AM and told the judge Bieber would complete the community labor by February 10th.   Although the probation report specifically says arrangements are being made to complete community labor at MusicCares, Holley tells TMZ it’s not in cement.

A bit of a rip-off, considering. I don’t give a shit what kinda celebrity he is. Take him to a remote highway and have him pick up trash piece by piece – who’s going to stop? Long haul truck drivers? I don’t think so. If they have him painting or whatever, I guess that’s something, but do you think he’ll actually do any REAL work there? Nope.

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Justin Bieber sued by a paparazzo over bodyguard attack

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Ugh, another day, another instance of Justin Bieber being an entitled dickhead. Let’s keep this short and sweet: Justin apparently ordered his bodyguard to “personally destroy” the camera of paparazzo Aja Oxman and Aja says that’s not right and wants money for his troubles.

From TMZ:

Aja Oxman claims Bieber was behind a brutal attack against him in which he was lifted in a choke hold and slammed onto a the hood of a car.  According to the lawsuit — obtained by TMZ — Justin “enjoyed the beating.”

Bieber was in Kauai last November at Shipwreck Beach and decided to cliff jump.  Oxman says he took a photo on a public beach and Bieber sicked his bodyguard on him … ordering, “Go get his memory card and do whatever you have to do to get that card.”

Oxman says that’s when the bodyguard opened a can of whoopass, took his camera and memory card. The bodyguard, Dwayne Patterson, was booked for 3rd degree assault and 4th degree criminal property damage.

The suit — filed by attorney Sark Ohanian — claims Bieber and his hired muscle destroyed the camera together.

Okay, look: celebrities must get tired of being followed by photographers all the time. HOWEVER, you’re famous. That’s what you signed up for, asshole. Also, it’s not like this dude was up on the cliff hiding in the bushes, he took a photo from a PUBLIC beach, just like you or I could do (and many passers by often DO do). Even if this Oxman was being intrusive, guess what? You don’t have an excuse to order your strongmen – you know, people who have actual strength, not your thirsty ass attempt at muscles – to cause bodily harm to someone else. If he thinks that’s okay, then it should be okay for me to walk up and punch him in the neck for being so annoying. Oh, right, I forgot Orlando Bloom already tried that. Shame he missed.

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Justin Bieber is being investigated for attempted robbery

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Another day, another instance of Justin Bieber being an asshole – and potentially a criminal (again). This time around, he’s the subject of a potential attempted robbery case. Basically, he tried to steal a woman’s phone once he saw her taking video on her phone of him getting in a major fight with some dudes at a batting cage.

From TMZ:

The woman tells TMZ … Monday night she was at the Sherman Oaks Castle Park — a complex with miniature golf and a batting cage — when she spotted Justin and his entourage playing a little mini golf and then hitting balls.

The woman says Justin and his crew got into an altercation with some guys at the batting cage when J.B. noticed she was going for her cellphone to take pictures.  She says Justin demanded to see her phone so he could erase any photos.  She says she refused to fork over the phone so he then went into her purse and grabbed it.

The woman says she began wrestling with Bieber, trying to get her phone back.  She says he ripped it out of her hands but couldn’t accomplish his mission because the phone was locked.

We reached out to Bieber’s camp before posting this story … so far, no word back.

She says Justin gave her the phone back and demanded that she unlock it to see if she took photos.  She obliged and showed Justin she had taken none.  She says she told Justin she and her 13-year-old daughter just wanted to say hi, and Justin screamed, “You’re humiliating yourself in front of your daughter.  Why don’t you just get out of here.”  Her daughter started crying.

She says at that point Justin turned and started screaming at someone else.

The woman later complained to police and the LAPD are now investigating. Is this actually an attempted robbery? Eh, I suppose within the confines of the law it might be, but I don’t think I’m a good judge of this situation because I just want this kid to be punished for being an absolute dick.

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Justin Bieber high fived his friends after egging his neighbor’s house

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Well, the fun just continues here, doesn’t it? Remember how Justin Bieber egged his neighbour’s house a few months back, apparently causing $20,000 worth of damage and possibly gaining a felony charge on his growing record? Well, police are adding to the story against him, claiming that he was all amped up and went around high-fiving his friends after tossing the eggs. I’m not sure what that proves, other than the fact that he’s an asshole immature kid, but okay, let’s go with it!

From People:

A search warrant affidavit, in which he’s called “Suspect Bieber,” alleges the pop star is captured on a security camera heading toward the neighbor’s house last January, then returning to his own driveway rejoicing with his pals.

“He was approached by the group of males, some of whom Suspect Bieber is observed ‘high-fiving,’” writes Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Detective Ginni Alvarez in the affidavit. “Suspect Bieber and the other males appeared to be laughing and celebrating.”

Apparently he wasn’t actually seen holding eggs, but come on, you know he did that shit. How this is going to make a difference to the court, however, is beyond me. So he high-fived his friends after egging a house? Seems about right, and last I checked, not a criminal act in and of itself. Are they trying to show that he’s more of an asshole than people realize? Seriously, message received on that one.

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Selena Gomez has been “cut off” from Taylor Swift

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Taylor Swift doesn’t fuck about, apparently. We know she’s never approved of BFF Selena Gomez‘s relationship with Justin Bieber, but she really took shit to the next level by apparently cutting her off for good after Selena’s decision to get back with his stupid ass.

From US Weekly:

Swift is disgusted that the pair are back together, cutting off her bestie after tweeting just last July that Gomez was “the closest thing I’ve ever had to a sister.”

But Gomez rekindling of the Jelena flame isn’t the only thing peeving Swift. She believes Gomez “used” a brief romance with the Grammy winner’s pal Ed Sheeran last June to make her jailbird sweetie jealous.

“After Selena pulled that move, Taylor started distancing herself,” a source tells Us.

LOL wait, what? Selena got involved with Ed Sheeran? Where was I? Where were any of us? This whole thing is hilarious and might be completely untrue, but I say good for Taylor on this one. Selena getting back with Justin is a HOT mess of the highest degree, and I wouldn’t want to be around it either. Sure, I know it’s Selena’s life and she can ruin it however she’d like, but come on. You can only pick up the pieces for your friends so many times before enough is enough.

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Video: Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez are passionate dance partners, now

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If anything will make you gag harder than knowing that Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber are back together, it’s probably knowing that they’ve also been choreographing “passionate” dance routines to John Legend songs together and renting rehearsal space to perfect their moves.

I don’t even have words for this fuckery, but I think it’s hilarious that Selena clearly sees them as star-crossed lovers who are destined to be together against all odds. I mean, we were all young once, so I get it, I suppose. Everyone goes through their share of idiotic bullshit – especially when it comes to relationships. But damn, I’ve never seen someone SO resistant to the truth that’s right in front of their eyes as Selena Gomez, man. That is some extreme low self-esteem.

Also hilarious: Justin really, seriously thinks he’s an honest-to-God thug. I can’t even look at this idiot anymore.

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Justin Bieber Assaulted a Limo Driver

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Hot on the heels of his DUI/resisting arrest-arrest, Justin Bieber is at it again. Looks like Scooter Braun and Usher‘s counseling skills are still needed, as Justin has now been charged with one count of assault for apparently hitting a limo driver repeatedly on the back of the head back in December. Don’t believe me? Ask the Toronto Police Service:

It is alleged that:

– on Monday, December 30, 2013 at approximately 2:50 a.m., a limousine picked up a group of six people outside a nightclub in the Peter Street and Adelaide Street West area.

– while driving the group to a hotel, an altercation occurred between one of the passengers and the driver of the limousine

– in the course of the altercation, a man struck the limousine driver on the back of the head several times

– the driver stopped the limousine, exited the vehicle and called police

– the man who struck him left the scene before police arrived

On Wednesday, January 29, 2014, Justin Bieber, 19, of Calabasas, California, surrendered to police at 52 Division. He is facing the following charge:

1. Assault

He is scheduled to appear in court at Old City Hall on Monday, March 10, 2014, 11 a.m., room 111.

That Justin Bieber – what a gentleman! His mother raised him so well… Oh wait – she didn’t. In any case, Justin returned to Canada yesterday just in time to turn himself into a Toronto police station yesterday night… after which he IMMEDIATELY MADE AN INSTAGRAM VIDEO telling fans to watch his new video, seemingly from still inside the station. Life’s a barrel of fucking laughs to this asshole.

Here’s what his lawyer told People:

“The Toronto Police Service requested that Justin Bieber appear in Toronto today to face an allegation of assault relating to an incident on December 29, 2013,” his lawyer said in a statement to PEOPLE. “We anticipate that this matter will be treated as a summary offense, the equivalent of a misdemeanor in the United States.”

“Our position is that Mr. Bieber is innocent,” the statement continues. “As the matter is now before the court, it would be inappropriate to address the specifics of either the allegation or of our defense at this time.”

Earlier Wednesday, the Toronto police department wouldn’t confirm that the singer was on his way to the station. Constable Victor Kwong told PEOPLE, “I can only confirm that there was an investigation into the allegation of assault on a limo operator by one of his fares. I cannot confirm however that the Biebs is turning himself in.”

I really never knew it was possible to so ardently dislike a human being you’ve never met before Justin Bieber came along. This kid sends my blood pressure through the roof. Of course, he’ll get off with this just like he does with everything else, so no need to get our hopes up here. The world will just continue to let Justin Bieber terrorize it until he kills someone else or himself. Hurrah.

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