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Lindsay Lohan will still be able to take Adderall if she goes to rehab (or jail)

Here are some photos of your Cracken, Lindsay Lohan, in Brazil over the past five days or so. She’s being paid some crazy amount of money to promote a clothing line called “John John” and of course, I guess she’s being paid to party at some Sao Paulo clubs too. She’s a complete mess, but I guess we’re supposed to think “Oh, she looks like she’s having fun, good for her.” Anyway, would you like your Crack Update? There’s a lot of stuff:

*TMZ says that prosecutors are still trying to figure out what to do about Lindsay’s “lockdown rehab” (which doesn’t exist). They will either put her in regular rehab (where she’ll be able to drink and do crack with few repercussions) or jail. The prosecutors might have to go to the judge again to get him to sign off on whatever.

*But it doesn’t really matter because Lindsay has already made arrangements to continue taking Adderall no matter what. Lindsay has been taking Adderall – meant for AD/HD, which no one knows if she really has – for years, and she’s demanding to be allowed to take it in rehab (or jail, I guess). Incidentally, you’re really not supposed to mix Adderall with alcohol. AT ALL.

*You know how Lindsay crack-heisted a bunch of stuff from the set of Anger Management? Yeah. TMZ claims that “Lindsay decided she was going out clubbing one night, and took a bracelet, a necklace, earrings, pants and shoes from the wardrobe department. Yes, the stuff never came back.” Apparently, Lindsay told producers to “just take the value of the items out of her salary, but… that ABSOLUTELY wasn’t the deal.” And Lindsay was “the biggest prima donna ever on ‘Anger Management.’ She showed up 2 hours late the second day, refused to come out of her trailer for 2 hours, left early to go clubbing and threatened not to return.”

*But of course the Cracken denies all of that. She’s “telling friends” like TMZ that she had a “deal” with producers that she could crack-heist anything she wanted and they could take it out of her salary. She says she took “2 bracelets, a necklace, sunglasses, a pair of shoes, gold earrings, a silk bathrobe, lingerie and tap shorts.” Of course it gets more complicated than that, but I can’t even start – just read the story here.

Photos courtesy of Pacific Coast News.

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Special thanks Cele Bitch

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Lindsay Lohan Thinks Coachella Is Way More Important Than Rehab

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Lindsay “LOL Are You F-cking Kidding Me” Lohan continues to shock and awe with her sense of entitlement and obliviousness to pretty much everything. Her biggest concern right now isn’t going to rehab, or the fact that she may have to face jail time instead of rehab because the facility her lawyer pleaded for doesn’t even exist. No. Ms. Lohan is freaking out that amidst all of her court-ordered punishment, she may miss the Coachella music festival. As a source told Radar, posted on the The Daily Mail for our delicious enjoyment,

Lindsay was adamant that she not be forced to go to rehab until after the Coachella Valley Music and Arts Festival in the Palm Springs area on successive weekends in April.

‘Lindsay loves going to the musical festival, and she’s determined to go this year.

She didn’t want a little thing like rehab to get in her way of attending. Lindsay refused to sign off on any deal that would have prevented her from going to Coachella, period. Yes, it’s that important to her, for some strange reason.

Oh my God. I don’t even refute this report. I fully believe that this is 100% true. Why? Because it’s clear that Lindsay “Is This The Real Life Is This Just Fantasy” Lohan doesn’t believe she’s done anything wrong.

Lohan: no one gives a f-ck if you go to Coachella. I know it’s a great opportunity for you and a bunch of celebs to wear bullshit like miniskirts made of feathers and headbands constructed out of stolen bird’s nests or whatever, but this really, really has to be at the bottom of your list this year. Whatever dude in a band you’re currently dating will have to understand if you miss his set. You may not even be together by then anyway, even though the first day of the festival is April 12, because that’s about two years in Lohan time.

Anyway, check out celeb ~~Coachella style~~ from years previous. Featuring Fergie, Ian Somerhalder, Solange Knowles, Vanessa Hudgens, model Chanel Iman, Rihanna, Kate Bosworth, and Diane Kruger.

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Source: Evilbeetgossip.com

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Lindsay Lohan still guzzling vodka all the time & she’s going to Brazil, of course

Did you know I was actually trying to avoid writing about Lindsay Lohan for a few days? I needed a break because it’s gotten to the point where her crackiness really bothers me. She’s been in LA since her plea deal one week ago, and she’s pretty much been partying non-stop. Go here to see some of the latest photos of Lindsay looking drunk/high/crackie while leaving a “private club” in Santa Monica. So… let’s see if we can get all of this done in one post. Some highlights from several days’ worth of Cracken news:

*Lindsay has scored a “HUGE paycheck” to promote a clothing line in Brazil this week. For whatever reason, Lindsay has another five weeks or so to check herself into rehab, so she’s spending that time partying, clubbing and of course, leaving the country. TMZ claims LL got a “low six-figure payday” to fly to Brazil to promote this clothing line. And that’s not all! She’s going to be filming scenes for Charlie Sheen’s Anger Management this week too.

*As I said, Lindsay is still partying like crazy. “Sources” tell TMZ that Lindsay has been knocking back vodka sodas at her Beverly Hills hotel and when she was in San Diego a few nights ago, she kept ordering vodka on the rocks all night but “Lindsay specifically request that vodka be served from a glass carafe … this way the table would not have any alcohol bottles on it.” Because of course.

*Lindsay keeps telling everyone she knows (at TMZ) that she does not have a substance abuse problem and she does not need professional help. She’s also complaining to everyone she knows that it sucks she’ll be in rehab for her 27th birthday on July 2. Sources tell TMZ that Lindsay had “big birthday plans” involving a huge party in NYC.

*Lindsay is still boning that dude named Avi Snow.

*Lindsay’s assistant Gavin is going to testify today about whether or not Mark Heller “tampered” with him as a witness.

*Remember how Lindsay punched that fortune teller Tiffany Mitchell in NYC? Radar says the New York DA has declined to prosecute Lindsay for assault. Gloria Allred is representing Mitchell, and Allred is already giving statements to the press, so you know this isn’t the end of anything. Allred is basically insinuating that Mitchell will end up suing Lindsay for damages in civil court. Which should be funny.

*Remember how Lindsay’s incompetent lawyer Mark Heller told the judge that Lindsay wants to do her 90 days of “lockdown rehab” in New York? Well, guess what? Crack butt. TMZ says “there appear to be no non-jail rehab facilities that will keep patients in against their will — anywhere in the U.S.” and in New York specifically the only way to be “locked down” in anything resembling rehab is to have a felony conviction for something. Which could totally be arranged. TMZ says there are no lockdown facilities in California either.

*So, what does this “no lockdown rehab” thing mean? TMZ says: “Lindsay’s actual sentence is 90 days in jail, but the judge said he’d allow her to complete it with lockdown rehab. Sources say the prosecutors believed such a facility was available when they offered the plea deal. It would seem a typical 90-day rehab program wouldn’t cut it. Lindsay has been there at least twice before. She constantly snuck out of Cirque Lodge in Utah and allegedly did the same thing at Betty Ford in California.” So… prosecutors are trying to figure it out, and jail is still on the table.

Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet.

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Special thanks Cele Bitch

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Lindsay Lohan’s Lawyer Sucks And She May Go To Jail

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Lindsay Lohan might be really, really screwed. Her lawyer, Mark Heller, sucks so badly that he lied to her and bungled her plea deal. Lohan was sentenced to 90 days in a lockdown rehab facility, meaning she had to get treatment for 90 days straight, in rehab, with no day-passes or permission to leave for any reason until treatment was done.

But there’s a slight hitch in this plan. This lockdown facility doesn’t exist. At least not for people like Ms. Lohan. Lockdown rehab facilities are only available to felons, and Ms. Lindsay “Just My Luck Indeed” Lohan is not a felon. Her lawyer promised something that can’t be done. TMZ explains,

Everyone we spoke with says …there is only 1 rehab facility in New York that is truly lockdown, where patients cannot get out and guards keep them in – Willard Drug Treatment Campus, operated by NY’s Dept. of Correctional Services in collaboration with the Division of Parole.  In order to qualify for admission, the patient MUST have aprior felony.  Lindsay has never been convicted of a felony, so she doesn’t qualify — and this is according to Linda Foglia, the spokesperson for the NY State Dept. of Correctional Services.  Short story …. contrary to what Mark Heller told prosecutors, Lindsay cannot do lockdown rehab in New York.

Worst. Lawyer. Ever. I still don’t think though that she’ll wind up in jail.

BTW enjoy that new angle of Ms. Lohan’s latest mugshot. So Vogue.

Thanks to Evil Beet

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Details of Lohan Plea Deal, Plus Lohan Laughs When Judge Suggests “Don’t Drive”

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Lindsay Lohan will not be going to jail — sorry, everyone! She took the plea deal. Although she was sentenced to 5 days in jail, it looks like that will be combined with her 90 day lockdown in a rehab facility. And let’s be real, even if that wasn’t the case, she’d likely spend 3 hours in jail, tops.

Here are the details of the plea, straight from the judge. Lohan must comply with all of this or she will get 180 days in jail.

24 months on probation. 5 days in jail plus $150 fine plus penalty assessments…a $240 restitution fine…$30 criminal conviction assesment fee…30 days community labor, it may be done in new york…18 months of psychological counseling…my understanding is she’s already begun that? (“That’s correct.”)…90 day residential treatment program. No day-passes, you can’t leave, you must stay in program…she needs proof of enrollment and a progress report on counseling, and a signed letter “with letterhead” confirming that she did community service.

Lohan sounded very, very tired and hoarse. More than usual. All she said was, “Yes sir.” Although she did chuckle twice. Once when she said “Yes” to the judge making clear that she gave up her right for trial. Not sure what was so funny there. The second time she let out a sort of sad, agreeable, tired chuckle was when the judge said,

A suggestion: don’t drive.

She is legally allowed to drive under certain conditions:

You are not to drive with any measure of alcohol or drugs in your system [Note: UH, DUH?]…you are not to drive without valid license and insurance…you are not to use or posses any narcotics…exept for prescriptions…do not assosiate with [drug dealers] or users except in an authorized counseling program…you are to obey all laws and order of court…stay out of trouble.

He then warned,

This is it. you violate your probation…we’re just going to impose the sentence and be done with it. Please take this seriously. You need to comply.

He also added on a,

Search and seizure condition…as part of the plea, she must submit her personal property to search and seizure [to police or parole workers] under probable cause or reasonable suspicion.

If Lohan does all of this without screwing up, she won’t face any jail time and her record will be expunged. It will be like having a “clean slate” as they say. Her probation begins today. In a press conference immediately after the hearing, her lawyer Mark Heller said,

I think that justice was certainly served. I am very confident that you won’t see Lindsay Lohan in any criminal courts any time in the future.

After Heller left, Michael Lohan then got up to the microphones and freaked out saying that Heller screwed Lindsay over and pressured her into a deal. And that he owes him $16,000. Uh…okay? He added, “Get away from the cameras and stop using Lindsay to make a name for yourself.”

OH. MY. GOD. ARE YOU SERIOUS? (Yup, he totally is.)

Thanks to TMZ for providing the live footage that made me feel like I was right in the courtroom with them.

Thanks to Evil Beet