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Lindsay Lohan’s Parents Are the Worst

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I don’t think anyone really wonders where Lindsay Lohan went wrong, at this point – look who she was raised by. You’ve got a mother who’s living out her own dreams of fame that never came true through her daughter and a father who’s an abusive alcoholic/drug addict. In fact, Dina has had her fair share of substance abuse issues, as well. The whole family’s a mess.

Anyhow, I use that preface for this story because as we all know, Lindsay is probably releasing a tell-all book soon about her life, and Michael Lohan is already up in arms about what she might write in he. He’s threatened to sue Dina if she talks a bunch of shit about him to Lindsay and she ends up putting it in her book, because apparently that violates a term of their divorce.

From TMZ:

Lindsay Lohan’s new tell-all book project has a new wrinkle … if she tells all she’ll end up smack in the middle of a lawsuit between her mom and her dad.

Michael Lohan believes when it comes to writing about Lindsay’s childhood, Dina Lohan will tell her daughter defamatory stories about Michael.

So we’ve learned Michael’s lawyer just sent a threatening letter to Dina, reminding her about the gag order which was imposed in their divorce … the gag order which states, “”The wife shall not, directly or indirectly, publish, or cause to be published, any diary, memoir, letter, story” blah blah blah involving her marriage to Michael.

Yes, because this is all about you guys… AGAIN. What’s wrong with these people? And also, why does Michael seem to think that the book is going to be about HIM? Sure, I know he’s her father and he’s fucked up that much that she’s bound to have some things to say about him, but for real, man? Calm down.

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Special thanks to Evill Beet Gossip

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Is Lindsay Lohan Behind Paris Hilton’s Brother’s Vicious Beating?

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Lindsay Lohan is getting Godfather-y on us. Here’s what happened: Paris Hilton‘s younger brother, Barron Hilton, was attacked at a party in a mansion in Miami in the very early morning hours. Here’s TMZ’s photo of the damage done to his face:

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Barron is claiming that Lohan was behind the attack — that she ordered someone to beat him up.

Here’s what we know. Though Lohan is claiming she had nothing to do with it and wasn’t even there, TMZ has 13 seconds of video of her mocking Barron moments after he was beaten.

Here’s their report. From TMZ:

We’re told … during the party, someone accused Barron of talking smack about Lindsay — and a short time later he was attacked and beaten to a pulp.

[…]

Barron told cops Lindsay approached him at the party with a male friend and began screaming, “‘You talk sh*t about me to my boyfriend, this is what you get.”

As the guy proceeded to pummel Barron, Hilton claims Lindsay was laughing and egging him on.

Cops were called to the scene and interviewed Barron. We’re told Barron doesn’t know the identity of his attacker but is adamant Lindsay is the person behind the attack.

We spoke to Michael Lohan who insists Lindsay had nothing to do with the attack and had left the mansion BEFORE the fight went down.

Guys, I have NO IDEA who to believe here. What boyfriend would Lohan be referring to? She insisted she was too busy to have one. The whole thing is bizarre.

Who do YOU believe?

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Special thanks to Evill Beet Gossip

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Lohan’s Dad Not Happy With Lohan’s “Stalkerish” Sister

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Lindsay Lohan‘s half-sister, Ashley Horn, got $25,000 worth of plastic surgery to look like a younger Lindsay Lohan (above). I don’t think the surgeries make her look anything like Lohan. After the surgeries, Horn said, “I’m hotter than Lindsay! I have no problem saying that.” Well their dad Michael Lohan thinks there’s a problem.

From The Daily News:

“It’s nuts and sick and stalkerish,” Michael tells Confidenti@l, revealing that he no longer speaks to Horn. “What mother would let her 18-year-old daughter get surgery like that? And she’s hotter than Lindsay? Are you kidding me? Lindsay doesn’t need plastic surgery.”

It feels very weird to agree with Michael Lohan but the dude’s been nailing it lately. Of ex-wife/Lindsay’s mom Dina he said, “She has lived off Lindsay for 19 years. Do what every other divorced mom does and go to work.” Guy is ON it.

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“Hugh Jackman’s incredibly veiny arms are kind of gross, kind of hot” links

Hugh Jackman’s arms are crazy! Goodness. [A Socialite Life]
Prince Harry & William went to Thomas van Straubenzee’s bachelor party this weekend. Huh. Do you think anything shady happened? [Pop Sugar]
Michael Fassbender “yelled” at a blonde in Montreal. [LaineyGossip]
Photos from Kim Kardashian’s weekend baby shower. [Dlisted]
There’s some really interesting gossip about Nikki Finke today… [Buzzfeed]
I haven’t watched Game of Thrones yet! Don’t spoil it for me. [Pajiba]
Victoria Beckham & baby Harper are so cute. [Celebrity Baby Scoop]
Dina & Michael Lohan were paid ($50K each?) to fight on camera. [CDAN]
Review of Now You See Me: don’t see it. [The Blemish]
Good God, is Ellie Goulding wearing Marchesa? [Go Fug Yourself]
Did Robert Pattinson’s mom make him dump K-Stew? [ICYDK]
(Some) British women love to booze it up at lunch. [Jezebel]
Chrissy Teigen did some tweet & delete bitching about J.Lo. [Evil Beet]
Will RHONJ’s Teresa Giudice get a spinoff? [Reality Tea]
Celebrities are getting paid to tweet but the pay-scale is weird. [Starcasm]
Selena Gomez looks cute in leggings. [Popoholic]
Sophie Turner has a butt. [IDLYITW]
Amanda Bynes got evicted? [Wonderwall]

Thanks to Cele Bitchy

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Gird Your Loins, Coachella: Lohan’s Coming

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Lindsay Lohan is doing everything she can to do the opposite of everything she should do. Despite the fact that part of her plea deal is to stay away from drug users and places where drugs, alcohol, and drug users dwell, she is taking herself and all of her stolen goods to the Coachella music festival. Because while she thinks rehab is important, it can wait until after Coachella. Even though her friends think she will die if she goes. Even her own dad, Michael Lohan, world’s worst goddamn father, thinks it’s a bad idea. From an interview with TMZ via DListed:

I think it is one of the worst idea she could’ve ever had.

Yep. He reminds us all how much rehab is going to suck for her:

She’s battling with drugs, pills and cocaine, so imagine coming off of cigarettes too. Not to mention that she has to detox once she gets in there and that’s really tough. […] I’m praying to God she will [stay sober], to be honest with you. Honestly, I hope so, but I don’t think so.

Well Ms. Lohan, I hope the incredible drugs music is worth it! Be sure to take lots of photos for us and post them online. xoxoxo.

(Also who in the f-ck dresses like that to go to the airport?)

Special thanks to Evill Beet Gossip

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“The trailer for ‘The Hangover 3′ is painfully unfunny, dumb” links

The trailer for The Hangover III looks… not funny. [The Blemish]
Michael Lohan thinks Lindsay is going to flunk rehab. He’s right. [Dlisted]
Louis CK is a master troll. [Buzzfeed]
Taylor Swift’s writing grip IS bizarre. Totally. [LaineyGossip]
Good God, look at what Lindsay Lohan wore on an airplane. [Go Fug Yourself]
Your annual Coachella Guide. Or “How to be a D-bag”. [Jezebel]
K-Stew and R-Pattz were together for her birthday, if you care. [Pop Sugar]
Matt Damon was the cutest kid ever. Now he’s FINE. [Pajiba]
Bradley Cooper takes his lady to Paris. Because why not? [A Socialite Life]
I think Jenna Bush is having a really cute pregnancy. [Celebrity Baby Scoop]
Amanda Bynes’ parents hate Kim Kardashian. The hell? [ICYDK]
Emilia Clarke looks gorgeous without makeup. [Evil Beet]
Kelly Rowland says Destiny’s Child will do more shows together. Ha. [CDAN]
Musicians smoke pot in the studio. SHOCK. [Starcasm]
Salma Hayek’s cardigan is cute. Meh on the rest of it. [Popoholic]
Kim Kardashian is super-cold, you guys. [Celebslam]
Duchess Kate watches Keeping Up With the Kardashians? Sure. [IDLYITW]
Barron Trump, 7, lives like a baller. [Bitten & Bound]

More at Cele Bitchy

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Details of Lohan Plea Deal, Plus Lohan Laughs When Judge Suggests “Don’t Drive”

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Lindsay Lohan will not be going to jail — sorry, everyone! She took the plea deal. Although she was sentenced to 5 days in jail, it looks like that will be combined with her 90 day lockdown in a rehab facility. And let’s be real, even if that wasn’t the case, she’d likely spend 3 hours in jail, tops.

Here are the details of the plea, straight from the judge. Lohan must comply with all of this or she will get 180 days in jail.

24 months on probation. 5 days in jail plus $150 fine plus penalty assessments…a $240 restitution fine…$30 criminal conviction assesment fee…30 days community labor, it may be done in new york…18 months of psychological counseling…my understanding is she’s already begun that? (“That’s correct.”)…90 day residential treatment program. No day-passes, you can’t leave, you must stay in program…she needs proof of enrollment and a progress report on counseling, and a signed letter “with letterhead” confirming that she did community service.

Lohan sounded very, very tired and hoarse. More than usual. All she said was, “Yes sir.” Although she did chuckle twice. Once when she said “Yes” to the judge making clear that she gave up her right for trial. Not sure what was so funny there. The second time she let out a sort of sad, agreeable, tired chuckle was when the judge said,

A suggestion: don’t drive.

She is legally allowed to drive under certain conditions:

You are not to drive with any measure of alcohol or drugs in your system [Note: UH, DUH?]…you are not to drive without valid license and insurance…you are not to use or posses any narcotics…exept for prescriptions…do not assosiate with [drug dealers] or users except in an authorized counseling program…you are to obey all laws and order of court…stay out of trouble.

He then warned,

This is it. you violate your probation…we’re just going to impose the sentence and be done with it. Please take this seriously. You need to comply.

He also added on a,

Search and seizure condition…as part of the plea, she must submit her personal property to search and seizure [to police or parole workers] under probable cause or reasonable suspicion.

If Lohan does all of this without screwing up, she won’t face any jail time and her record will be expunged. It will be like having a “clean slate” as they say. Her probation begins today. In a press conference immediately after the hearing, her lawyer Mark Heller said,

I think that justice was certainly served. I am very confident that you won’t see Lindsay Lohan in any criminal courts any time in the future.

After Heller left, Michael Lohan then got up to the microphones and freaked out saying that Heller screwed Lindsay over and pressured her into a deal. And that he owes him $16,000. Uh…okay? He added, “Get away from the cameras and stop using Lindsay to make a name for yourself.”

OH. MY. GOD. ARE YOU SERIOUS? (Yup, he totally is.)

Thanks to TMZ for providing the live footage that made me feel like I was right in the courtroom with them.

Thanks to Evil Beet