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How Much Did Chris Brown Pay this Judge, Then?

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Chris Brown is a dickhead of epic proportions, the forefather whose asshole status is that which Justin Bieber has aspired to ascend to. He has committed so many crimes with such blatant lack of remorse and/or improvement… and yet here he is, a free man. He was in court recently, as we all know, facing his latest assault charges and while prosecutors want him in jail for it, a California judge thought he’ll do better in a rehab facility. Fuuuuuuuuuck off.

Judge James R Brandlin claims that the drug abuse and anger management facility is giving him an “adequate safety net”. Well, what about the safety of all the people he assaults? Where’s our net? It should be him in jail! Also, let’s not forget that his probation has been revoked stemming back from the time when he beat Rihanna to a bloody pulp… and yet “rehab” is the way to go? UGH.

Oh, and one more thing to remember: he turned down a plea deal in this case that would reduce his charges because he’s that cocky that he can do whatever he wants and not have to face any consequences for it. What a lovely human being.

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Chris Brown Rejected a Plea Deal in His Ongoing Assault Case

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Because of course he did. Chris Brown is a dickhead of the highest power, so why on earth would he admit that he’s done wrong and take a more lenient punishment offered to him by accepting a plea deal in his Washington DC assault case? That would just be too easy, too decent of him. The deal would have turned his misdemeanor assault charges into simple assault charges (which carry much less of a penalty), but Brown said no thanks.

Here’s TMZ‘s scoop:

The prosecutor revealed in court they had offered Brown a deal — reducing the charge to simple assault (he currently faces misdemeanor assault which carries a more severe penalty), but Brown’s lawyer, Mark Geragos — who was also in court — rejected it … and we think we know why.

Law enforcement sources tell us … they had combed the area looking for surveillance video capturing the run-in.  For a long, long time they said they had nothing.  Now they seem to be singing a different tune, but haven’t turned the video over to Geragos.

Geragos — who believes his client did nothing wrong — is eager to see the video before cutting any kind of deal.

Keep in mind that even if police don’t have video, that doesn’t mean it didn’t happen (it most certainly did – come on!), just that they can’t prove it so Chris thinks he can get away with it just like he got away with beating Rihanna to a bloody pulp (which in fact there WAS proof of, but that hardly mattered) and everything else in his life.

Don’t forget his probation has been revoked, so he really is playing with fire here since, if the police do turn over a video and he’s convicted, he should – IN THE EYES OF THE LAW – be going to jail. Will he go to jail? Probably not, because money talks and this country’s justice system is a fucking joke. But stay tuned on that front.

Ugh, I wish Chris and Justin Bieber would hold hands and drive off a cliff, Thelma and Louise style.

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Chris Brown Is a Gay Rights Advocate Now

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Chris Brown is a total piece of shit. Yes, I feel that “news” is worth opening every article with, because it’s true and it’s something to keep in mind. His anger issues, homophobia, tendency to beat women, etc. make him the ultimate candidate for dickhead of our generation. But wait, he’s just misunderstood! Everyone keeps picking on him but really he’s such a nice guy and he really loves everyone – especially the same gay people that he consistently used to bash and the fact that up until he flipped the script and tried to endear himself to the world again (never going to happen), “gay” was a pejorative in his world. Fuck off, man.

That’s right, Chris Brown is a gay rights advocate now, and even tweeted his support for a petition aimed at Cameroon’s President Biya after a string of recent hate crimes in the country.

Listen, Chris Brown’s fans are stupid enough to follow him despite his idiocy, so hopefully this bullshit gesture will still have a positive effect. The truth is that regardless of how much I might hate him, he does have an impact with millions, and it could give this important cause more visibility and pull, so I’m all for that. I will, however, never be for Chris Brown. Way to exploit a marginalized group of people for your own gain, bro.

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Chris Brown Is Whining About Being Picked On Again

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If there’s one thing you can do in life to prove how mature you are and how much you’ve learned and grown from a difficult experience, it’s blaming everyone else for your problems and constantly complaining about how you get picked on more than anyone else when they’ve done stuff you deem to be worse. Enter Chris Brown, world’s biggest pain in the fucking ass, who just cannot comprehend that what anyone else has done in their lives has nothing to do with what a scumbag he is himself.

From Jet (via DS):

“No disrespect, because I’m a fan, but nobody brings up the fact that [Jay Z] stabbed somebody and sold drugs. He gets a pass.”

Brown went on to discuss his anger issues and how he’s working through them, saying: “You have to go through the struggle before you can get to the good part. I don’t try to lash out at people, or be as mad or impulsive as I used to be.”

He added: “I got to the point where it’s only so much you can take from the master, you feel me? I’ve taken my fair share of lashings.”

Brown also talked about Trayvon Martin, the African-American teen whose death at the hands of George Zimmerman last year prompted controversy and a national discussion in the US about racism.

He said: “I identify with Trayvon 100% as far as living in 2013 and still dealing with blatant racism. This generation is so used to racism that it’s normal; we don’t care. We aren’t on drugs or catching AIDS, but they still look at us as n***as.”

Yo, I’m just gonna say this one more time: fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck Christ Brown, especially for trying to use the Trayvon murder for sympathy. His point is 100% valid – there is definitely a shit ton of racism in the world still, absolutely, and it’s awful and disgusting. But what’s more disgusting is that Brown could use such a tragedy to heap onto his own “pity me” pile when discussing how great and misunderstood he is. Ugh, will he EVER go away?

As for the Jay-Z stabbing, I don’t know the ins and outs of that situation, but while obviously violence is fucked up, domestic violence against a woman you’re meant to be in love with strikes me as a slightly more reprehensible offense. Also, there’s a cool thing about the world that allows there to be room for more than one asshole at a time. A plethora of them, even. If Jay’s a scumbag as well, that doesn’t negate Chris’s bullshit.

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Chris Brown Is a Gay Rights Activist Now

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Hold the phone! Chris Brown – infamous woman beater, gay hater and general piece of shit – has taken a stand against the injustices of homophobia and stepped out as a supporter of gay rights and “ethnic minorities” in the hopes of changing the world. LOL! I can’t with this asshole. Anyhow, he’s going to do this by… releasing a song. If you’re as confused by the logic as I am, let’s let Chris explain it himself, shall we?

Uh, first of all, you’re not an inspiration to anyone, unless you count yourself as an inspiration not to be a total dickhead like you. Second of all, the single he’s referring to is widely believed to be a song called ‘They Don’t Know’, which will have vocals from… Aaliyah. She’s rolling over in her grave, as you can imagine.

I can’t with any of this. Why won’t he go away?

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Chris Brown Did a Hit-and-Run But Denies It Now, Of Course

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You know how it went down – Chris Brown hit someone’s car in Los Angeles last week and was a total asshole about it (surprise, surprise). When pressed by the driver of the other car for his insurance information, he initially refused but finally gave in… giving her false details. Of course, now he denies the whole thing and says it’s the driver who doesn’t want to talk to him. Yeah, I’m sure that’s the case, bro.

From TMZ:

Chris Brown says he did nothing wrong when he was involved in a minor fender bender last week … and claims the other driver has been ducking his attempts to discuss the matter … TMZ has learned.

As TMZ first reported, Brown allegedly refused to give over his driver’s license number (and provided incorrect insurance info) to the driver of a Mercedes he rear-ended … which, if true, could put his probation in the Rihanna beating case in jeopardy.

But sources close to Chris tell TMZ he gave the woman all the correct info and when his lawyer attempted to contact her not long after the accident … she hung up on him. We’re told all subsequent calls from Chris’ lawyer have gone unanswered.

Our sources also say that neither Chris, nor anyone in his camp, has been contacted by the LAPD so far.

BOO. Regardless of how minor the accident is, if the other driver requested your insurance information (as is the norm), you give it over and it gets settled. Why would the woman ask for his insurance information and then… not want to speak to you about it at all? And I refuse to believe that Chris is just such a good man that he keeps trying to reach out to her to make sure she’s okay/settle the issue. Sorry, not buying it.

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Chris Brown’s Jet Fills With Smoke Before Making An Emergency Landing

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Chris Brown‘s private plane filled with smoke outside of Burbank, California shortly after take-off yesterday and had to make an emergency landing. What a shame. Not that it happened, but that Chris Brown didn’t jump out with a parachute to save himself, only to find that the ripcord was broken. I think you get my point.

From TMZ:

A private jet carrying Chris Brown was forced to make an emergency landing in Burbank yesterday after the cockpit filled with smoke after takeoff … TMZ has learned.

We’ve confirmed … Brown boarded a Gulfstream 3 jet in Burbank and was headed for Teterboro, NJ … so he could attend the Met Gala event.

But sources tell us … roughly 7 to 8 minutes into the flight, everyone on board began to notice smoke filling the plane.

One source told us, “It was A LOT of smoke … everywhere.”

The pilot immediately turned the plane around and performed an emergency landing back at Burbank airport.

We’re told the passengers were scared … but the pilot was cool, calm and collected … and couldn’t have handled the situation better.

Here’s the crazy part — after the plane touched down, Brown decided he STILL wanted to get to the Met Gala event in NY … and boarded ANOTHER private jet within an hour of touching down.

Well, it’s good that no one else was hurt because I have to assume that they’re not all assholes like him. As for Chris himself, well… meh. It’s a shame he wasn’t in the jet alone and that it didn’t go the way of the Bermuda Triangle.

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