I know popular YouTuber Matthew Santoro because my son watches his educational videos and often quotes facts from them. Santoro’s videos are similar to John Green’s channel MentalFloss in that he gives fast-paced and interesting facts. I know YouTuber Nicole Arbour because she’s somewhat of a professional troll. Her obnoxious video, Dear Fat People, earned her headlines around the world and a spot on The View, when she stirred up sh*t when The View ladies arguably disparaged nursing as a profession. (Here’s the background on that controversy.) One of Arbour’s latest videos, Dear Feminists (NSFW language), characterizes feminists as women who hate men and don’t shave their legs. I wish I was making that up.
In December, Santoro recorded an emotional and revealing video about the abuse he suffered in a previous relationship. He made the video private at first but accidentally set it to public recently. The response was positive and so he decided to leave it up. In the video (above), Santoro cried as he revealed how a former partner controlled him, cut him off from friends and family and once hit him in the face, which he described as more devastating emotionally than physically. He emphasized that abuse knows no gender and encouraged victims to come forward. While he never named the person whom he claimed abused him, Santoro’s former partner, Nicole Arbour, responded by posting a comment on one of her recent videos, writing “Heard the little bitch I dumped months ago is still trying to use me to get attention on his vlog channel. Ew.”
Here’s some of what Santoro said in the video, which was heartfelt and powerful and really moved me.
On being isolated from friends and family
I pushed my family away, I pushed my closet friends away. It wasn’t always explicit… this individual I was with was extremely jealous… I had to cut every female out of my life and it was because everything was made to be about her. I lost my closest friends because I was made to believe everybody else was a loser.Claims she hit him on the face
Early in the relationship I had a verbal altercation [after] I had a panic attack… and I broke it off with this individual. This person prevented me from leaving their home and said “you’re not going anywhere” at which point I was hit in the face for the first time in my life. When someone you care about strikes you there are so many emotions… you feel sadness… shame… embarrassment. You think ‘was it my fault?’… luckily I was able to leave that night.He broke it off but took her back
Through manipulation… about a month down the road [she] contacted me and told me that [she’d] changed… and I took her back. That is incredibly embarrassing to say. What people don’t realize is, when I took her back the real damage was psychological… I cut everyone out of my life and my business suffered… everything became about her.He was manipulated and controlled
I allowed myself to be in a relationship where I was controlled, where I was manipulated, where I was made to do things and act in a way that I never would on my own. It wasn’t until just a few weeks ago that I decided to break it off from her… I wanted my life back. I allowed somebody to emotionally and physically abuse me for almost a year of my life. It’s really embarrassing to say that, but it’s the truth.On why he made the video
The reason I’m making this video is not to disparage anyone… it’s to tell you that domestic violence knows no gender [cries]. It happens to men and women. It’s something that men never talk about because we’re made to believe that we’re supposed to be strong.Men get hit too. Tell someone
Men get hit too. Abuse knows no gender, it’s something that people don’t talk about… Whether you’re a man or a female, if somebody hits you, tell somebody. Tell a family member, tell a friend. Don’t bottle it up, because it will do damage to you that lasts for years.
