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Here’s What Miley Cyrus Has to Offer on the Bangerz Tour

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Miley Cyrus is something else, man. Before heading out on tour to support her latest album, Bangerz, she promised to drop some junk on the audience (free merch!) and also that seeing her in concert would provide an ‘educational experience’ for children, which… girl, no. However, maybe we were being too hasty to judge. Maybe she would indeed surprise us and put on a tasteful show in which she did indeed illustrate some important life lessons. You never know, right?

Wrong. As you can see from the photo above (and all the ones below), the Bangerz Tour is a bit of a shit show, full of her same cultural appropriating, twerking bullshit. That’s not to say that it’s not probably kinda fun – Miley’s had some good tracks, and she even performed some of the oldies but goodies during her first show in Vancouver on Valentine’s Day. Uh, hello? ‘Can’t Be Tamed’? ‘Party in the USA’? I’m into it!

The visuals, though… it’s getting so, so tired.

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Miley Cyrus Wants to “Educate” Your Children

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Miley Cyrus is getting ready to drop her junk on you during her Bangerz tour, and as she gets amped up to head out on the road, she’s been doing some interviews about just how fun it’s going to be… as well as educational for the children folk. WHAT?

From Fuse:

“Even though parents probably won’t think this, I think my show is educational for kids. They’re going to be exposed to art most people don’t know about.

“People are taught to look at things so black and white, especially in small towns. I’m excited to take this tour to places where [art] like this wouldn’t be accepted, where kids wouldn’t learn about this different kind of art.”

So, let me get this straight… Miley Cyrus thinks that her sucking her thumb as she rides a hot dog (dick metaphors abound) is going to expose your children to “education” and “art” that they wouldn’t get elsewhere… like, say, on the TV, where she twerks with midgets, swings naked from a wrecking ball and masturbates on a table? Give me a break, Miley.

I don’t know about you, but the last place I’d be taking my kids (if I had any) would be to a Miley Cyrus concert. NOPE. Nor would I call what she does “art”, but YMMV, I suppose…

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Miley Won’t Stop Posting Nude Pics of Herself

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I don’t think Miley Cyrus has done a photoshoot in the past year in which she’s had all of her clothes on. Seriously, find me one because I don’t think it exists. Her latest foray into the world of nude modeling was for W Magazine, in which she was so naked that there are actually OUTTAKES that the magazine didn’t run. One such outtake Miley felt should be put on Twitter, which is where the above pic came from. She posted it with the following caption:

Coming soon in @wmag “bed time portraits By @mertalas & @macpiggott” so xxxited check it out 2 see the real deal??

Girl, just a small hint: putting it all out there for the world to see is not the definition of sexy, no matter how hard you bite your lip. It looks so forced, so unbelievably unnecessary… just no. We’re getting into GaGa territory where Miley seems to think the only thing that will make her interesting or more worthy of press is by taking all her clothes off. I fully support a woman being body and sex positive and doing whatever the hell she wants, there comes a time when you have to ask, “Why is she REALLY doing this?” Once is celebratory, freeing, etc. EVERY SINGLE SHOOT is overkill. No thanks, Miley.

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Miley Cyrus Hopes She’s Still Singing Naked at 75, Apparently

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We’ve all seen the weird W Magazine photoshoot Miley Cyrus did for this month’s cover, but if you peeked inside at the interview, you’ll no doubt have read some of the horse manure coming out of her mouth and probably rolled your eyes so far back in your head that you couldn’t read anymore. One of the funniest bits of shit she talked was about how she’s going to be just like her godmother Dolly Parton (HOW DID I NOT KNOW THIS?) and be doing the same thing she’s doing now when she’s 75. Now there’s a visual! A naked Miley Cyrus twerking  and posing with her tits out for whatever offspring of Terry Richardson is big at the time.

“You know, I’ve made my money. If no one buys my album, cool. It’s fine. I’ve got a house, and I’ve got dogs that I love. I don’t need anything else.

“Maybe [legendary artists] succeed because they don’t have anything to prove. They’re just doing it because they love it. I hope I’m like, Dolly, where I’m just still going at 75.”

And on other people’s fashion…

“I just don’t get what half the girls are wearing. Everyone to me seems like Vanna White. I’m trying to tell girls, like, ‘F**k that. You don’t have to wear makeup. You don’t have to have long blonde hair and big titties’.

“That’s not what it’s about. It’s personal style. I like that I’m associated with sexuality and the kind of punk-rock s**t where we just don’t care.”

I must say… of all the shit I’d associate Miley Cyrus with, punk rock is most definitely not one of them. Who knows, though – maybe she really will calm down at some point and pay more attention to the music she’s trying to make than gathering headlines for acting like a smacked ass everywhere she goes.

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The Miley Cyrus and Beyoncé Uproar Was Based on LIES!

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Okay, let’s set the scene: a certain US “news” website (I’m not being coy – it’s not certain where exactly it originated) claimed that in an interview with LOVE magazine, Miley Cyrus was talking shit about Beyoncé, saying she fell off her game and that Miley herself was the new bitch with all the curves and the moves to take the throne. The exact “quotes” are below (via DS):

Cyrus was quoted as saying that Beyoncé has been “out for such a long time” and that, although the ‘XO’ singer is “at the top of the game now”, people are “always looking for new blood and that’s what I bring to the game now, new blood”.

She was also said to have claimed that she has “the total package you know, the curves, the rhythm, and the voice – I’m just the best”, before adding: “As Beyoncé grows in motherhood and all the crap it does to your body, it will create a vacuum for fresh young faces to rise up and… I’m the only white female singer that could fill that slot right now and do it right, you know?”

There’s only one problem with all of that: it never happened. Miley was furious about the stories and took to Twitter to refute the bullshit:

And in fact, she’s actually telling the truth – Love magazine has confirmed that the Bey quotes were fake. Looks like she’s innocent this time around! (And thank God, because MAN, that would be misguided.)

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Miley Cyrus’ Halloween Costume Is 15 Years Too Late

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Let’s just all get this out once and for all and confront the elephant in the room: Miley Cyrus thinks she’s black. That’s not an unfair assumption, that’s not conjecture, that’s just the facts. She thinks she’s “urban” and has claimed that she’s actually Lil Kim inside or some bullshit and even though SHE IS IN NO WAY BLACK, URBAN OR ANYTHING BESIDES A BORN-RICH WHITE GIRL WITH NO REAL KNOWLEDGE OF THE BLACK EXPERIENCE, she’s decided what the hey, why don’t I just dress up like my newfound hero for Halloween?

That’s right, Miley decided to take on Lil Kim’s outfit from the 1999 MTV VMAs. Only 15 years too late, but whatever. In case you forgot the original, here ya go:

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I’d like to give Miley props on one important front: not using blackface. It’s good to see that she has enough black friends/employees that they kept her ass on the straight and narrow when it comes to the offensive level. This costume may be outdated, a bit try-hard and super annoying, but it’s not hurting anyone (except my retinas). She really, REALLY wants to be black, you guys. Just in the cool ways, though! So long as she can keep living her life of white privilege while impersonating black culture in her spare time, it’s all good!

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Miley Cyrus Is an Astronaut

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Not for real, duh (though I certainly wish someone would rocket her triflin’ ass off into space) – but Miley is doing astronaut duty in the new video for Future‘s song ‘Real and True’. We don’t have the full thing yet, only a 30 second preview, but I can already tell it’s going to be God-awful.

I don’t really get why Future, who is the hottest shit that’s up and coming in the R&B/hip hop scene right now, would willingly choose to work with Miley Cyrus, who does nothing but undermine his credibility. I honestly don’t understand and I wish I did. I want to take Miley seriously as an artist, but until she stops the bullshit, I feel like it’s too hard to do so.

In any case, Rankin directed the clip, so they premiered the sneak peek on Hunger.TV (his site) and blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. I’m sure that means as much to you as anything else I could say about it. Boo, Miley. On a side note, Future just got engaged to Ciara, which I find hilarious.

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Source: Evilbeetgossip.com