2012

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Kate Middleton to Prince William: Get a HAIR TRANSPLANT, Baldy!

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The throne shalt not be occupied by any King Cue Ball! ‘Tis the battle cry of Kate Middleton and Queen Elizabeth, who are positively beside themselves with humiliation over Prince William’s ever-growing bald spot, according to Celeb Dirty Laundry. The Duke of Cambridge endured a bit of ribbing about his hair loss from a former colleague during a visit to Anglesey earlier in the week. “It was nice to see him again. He hasn’t changed much apart from he’s lost a bit more hair. Hey, we’re all getting older!” said former Royal Air Force winchman Rik Maving. Bold chap, he is, insulting a royal like that. Lucky for him the prince didn’t order his beheading. Apparently, Kate, who was with him at the time, was mortified, as was his grandmother Queen Elizabeth. They are of the mind that the smooth-n-shiny look is not one befitting a future king and are spending $30,000 on a hair transplant to restore William’s “royal mane.” Says CDL: “The future King must look younger and vibrant, and this will be achieved only if William has a full head of hair. Experts in hair transplantation have been dispatched to Kensington Palace – in secret of course Royal courtiers reveal.” We can hear Kate’s voice now. Care for a spot of tea, darling? And while we’re at it, why not a spot of Rogaine? Oh, blimey, just get the bloody transplant surgery already!!! I think its safe to say we’re calling bollocks on this entire story. While it’s true that Will’s scalp is revealing itself more and more, we’re fairly certain Kate and the queen would rather have the prince bald than looking like Donald Trump. Naturally, Prince William isn’t the only one getting flak for his appearance. The duchess has also come under fire recently for her horrible eyebrows. It’s no wonder Kate wants to ditch royal life and move back to Wales. (Not really, but we’d totes understand.) View Slideshow: Kate Middleton: 15 Photos of Iconic Hair Porn

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Barbie got a major makeover, she now comes in different body types & skin colors

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Here is this week’s Time Magazine cover: THE NEW BARBIE. Or at least your choice of what kind of Barbie doll best represents your dreams and journeys. Yes, after decades of size-0, thin-thighed, blonde Barbies, Mattel has finally changed their doll in some fundamental ways. The new Barbie will be offered in seven different colors/races, with many different hair colors and three new body types: petite, tall and curvy. Mattel will still be selling OG Barbie, but now kids will have more options. You can choose dark-skinned and petite Barbie, or tall and brown-skinned Barbie or curvy, white and brunette Barbie. All in all, there are 33 different dolls which will come out in stages. I’ll call them Bootilicious Barbie, Realistic Thighs Barbie, Nerd Barbie, Blue-Haired Hipster Barbie, Jennifer Lawrence Barbie and Ariana-Grande-Proportioned Barbie. The different body types are getting the most attention, but I genuinely appreciate the fact that they’re making Barbies with different skin tones and the dolls still get to be called BARBIE. They’re not going to call the different Barbies different names, like one called Destiny or one called Kim or whatever. All Barbies, in all sizes, in all colors. The Time Magazine piece about Mattel’s Barbie Revolution is pretty interesting – go here to read. They’re not even really pretending that this change came from completely pure, representative intentions. You see, Mattel has seen steadily declining sales of Barbies, but from 2012-2014, sales fell off a cliff and Lego became the biggest toy company in the world, dethroning Mattel. Lego prioritized the “Lego Friends” line, which teaches girls to build and probably worked really well for parents who want to encourage their daughters to pursue STEM fields. Meanwhile, Barbie was still the same-old, same-old and that was a big problem. So the head of the Barbie brand, Evelyn Mazzocco, decided to rebrand Barbie for millennial moms. You can read about the strategy in Time Magazine here. So, is this too little, too late? I personally think that Barbie has lasted so long because of fashion, and as long as they keep making great clothes for all Barbie sizes, I imagine Barbie will last for another 50 years. I’ve read the treatises about why Barbie isn’t feminist or why she’s blah blah blah, but for me, it was about the fashion and it was about having a womanly-proportioned doll to dress up. Photos courtesy of Mattel, Time Magazine.