‘My teenage years were taken from me. I was forced to start homeschooling my second year of high school, which of course I didn’t want to do because I’d rather go hang out with my friends, go to parties. I know what it feels like to not want to get out of bed from bone pains and exhaustion and days on end of not wanting to socialize or be around people because the anxiety and brain fog just isn’t worth it.’
Gwyneth Paltrow has been talking about sex a lot lately. Maybe it’s part of her new branding scheme: The Sexual, Sensual Goop In Her 40s. Maybe it’s a late reaction to her divorce. Maybe Brad Falchuk is giving it to her properly. Or maybe it’s a combination of all of the above. In any case, Gwyneth is not content to merely say (odd) words about sex in interviews. This week’s Goop-letter is the first-ever “Sex Issue.” Sex, Goop Style. The Low-Down on Goop’s Downtown. Becky with the Bad Straw Hair has sex. And she wants you to know about it.
You can see the whole Goop site here. The Sex Issue features an article about an “erotic theater” in LA, because rich people can’t just watch p0rn in the comfort of their own homes anymore. There’s an article about “hormone free” technology to improving your sex life. There’s a Goopy article about whether or not your lube is toxic, and whether you should make your own lube at home. There’s an informative and interesting piece about sexual trauma and psychological scarring, and how that affects one’s sex life.
But the piece that is getting the most attention is the Goop Sex Toy Guide. Because it wouldn’t be Goop if Gwyneth wasn’t recommending that you spend thousands of dollars on seasonal, artisanal vibrators. I’ll give Goop some credit – there are some affordable recommendations on her list, like a $69 feather toy, Ben Wa balls that only cost $25 and $10 “cleaning spray,” because nothing says romance like Windexing your beav. But because she’s Gwyneth, she has to remind you that only 24-carat gold touches her ‘gina: she is literally recommending a $15,000 24-carat gold dildo. There’s also a $535 whip, a $400 nipple-clamp necklace, and a $156 G-spot App. Yes, there’s an app for that.
I went into Jeremy Irons’ Guardian interview only having read one quote, the quote about abortion. I thought I would just read the piece and pull the abortion-quote-block for context. But I can’t. Because this interview is BONKERS. While I definitely think Jeremy Irons is eccentric in a vastly terrible way – think of his comments on incest and gay marriage several years ago, or his thoughts on sexual harassment – I also sort of have to give him credit for putting it all out there. Most celebrities/actors would have some sense of self-awareness that their thoughts are terrible and should never be spoken out loud, especially to the Guardian. Irons does not have that sense of self-awareness, so at least we can openly discuss his on-the-record comments. You can read his full Guardian interview here. Some highlights:
On his six homes & a castle: “I have developed a life which seems to need a relatively high income.”
Marriage & Christianity: “Our society is based on a Christian structure. If you take those religious tenets away, then anything goes and it will become terrible – and you usually get into trouble. Adultery might be very nice, but finally it f–ks us up. And it f–ks up the structure of society. We don’t steal – well, some people do – because it makes life intolerable for everybody. Yes, you can be in love and raise a family wonderfully by not being married, but actually marriage does give us a strength, because it’s quite hard to get out of, and so it makes us fight more to keep it together. If divorce becomes dead easy – which it sort of has – then we don’t have that backup. Because, for everybody, relationships are hard.”
Abortion harms women: “Take abortion. I believe women should be allowed to make the decision, but I also think the church is right to say it’s a sin. Because sin is actions that harm us. Lying harms us. Abortion harms a woman – it’s a tremendous mental attack, and physical, sometimes. But we seem to get that muddled. In a way, thank God the Catholic church does say we won’t allow it, because otherwise nobody’s saying that it’s a sin.”
On Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn: “I think he might be the death knell. I love his idealism, but he’s not what I would call a politician. I think the Labour party is no longer fit for purpose. What we very, very, very strongly need is a not a party that represents the labour movement, but everyone who doesn’t like that we are governed, in effect, by global economics. We have to find an intelligent alternative to the Conservative ethos.”
He doesn’t believe in interventionism. “It’s like genetic engineering. Everything is held in balance, whether good or not, by diverse internal forces. Syria deals with the opposition with great cruelty, but there are cruel people, as one sees from Isis, and you’re not going to remove that part of nature from those fanatics at that stage of their civilising development. Yet everybody – especially the Americans – seems to think the only way of life is theirs. Democracy? What the f–k does that mean? Freedom? What the f–k does that mean?”
The US election: “[It signals] maybe the end of democracy. If democracy has become a gameshow where you vote for the one who makes you laugh most, or whatever, then we’re not worthy to have the vote”.
There’s a lot to unpack and I’m not going to go beat by beat with Jeremy Irons. Let me just say that while I appreciate that he identifies as pro-choice, I do not appreciate that he uses the language of anti-choice advocates. If a woman feels psychological or even physical pain because of her abortion, the decision is still HER CHOICE. If a woman wants to say abortion is a sin, that is her choice too. But no man or woman gets to decide for all women what is and is not a “sin.” And let me tell you, the psychological and physical pain would be even more profound if the state forced women to carry unwanted pregnancies to term.
I sort of don’t have words for this new Andrew Garfield interview with Vulture. He’s promoting 99 Homes, the film set in the wake of the real estate crisis circa 2009. It’s supposed to be a pretty dark, political film about socio-economic inequality and how the system is stacked against people living in poverty. Garfield starts the interview by saying, “Why the f–k am I doing this? Coming in today to do interviews, I’m like, Why? I know that I’m an actor and it’s part of the job, and I feel lucky I get to do that, but with the interviews, it’s such a weird thing. What do I have to say?” It gets more angsty from there. You can read the full piece here, which I would recommend because there’s some interesting back-and-forth which doesn’t translate well in these highlights. Highlights:
After Vulture coherently describes the film: “Why don’t you just do this interview? You’re saying the right sh-t….Just attribute what you’re saying to me.”
The gilded prisons: “I do believe that films like this are a part of the slow change that every movement undergoes … and it’s always f–king slow…But I think awareness is being raised all the time. There are so many people now who seem to be onto them, onto [Rupert] Murdoch and [Donald] Trump, and to whoever those folks are who are governing the system that isn’t serving the have-nots. I don’t believe it’s serving the haves either, because they’re in their own gilded prisons. There’s this culture of separation that’s been created, and it makes me feel sick to walk around big cities and to know the struggles of those who are the least served by the system. The only way things do change is if everyone comes together. It takes everyone to lend who they are, and for me, it’s through storytelling and from being able to talk about the powerless feeling that I’m living in and asking the question, “What power do I have? And then how do I act upon that?”
In the wake of the ongoing horror show that is the Duggar family, many sites have been offering more in-depth glimpses of just what the Duggars are all about, their belief systems and what amounts to their cult’s teachings. The Duggars are home-schooled and extremely sheltered about the outside world, especially the women/girls. They’re also very, very, VERY far-right politically, especially about social issues like reproductive choice, LGBTQ issues and, you know, women wearing pants. If you’ve been paying attention to the Duggars even casually before this Josh Duggar story exploded last week, you were probably familiar with the broad strokes of what this cult is all about. But it’s worth discussing some of the stories that have come out in the wake of the scandal.
Jessa Duggar’s father-in-law Michael Seewald is a nutburger too. Michael Seewald penned a lengthy blog post about his daughter-in-law’s brother and the larger scandal – you can read it here. I’m not going to post anything from it because the guy thinks everything is the media’s fault and his arguments fall flat. He also gets some jabs in there about how Josh was raised well and we are all born sinful, and thank God Josh didn’t get his sex education from Planned Parenthood. Seriously. I will give Seewald credit for one thing: he acknowledged the victims of Josh’s crimes and how terrible is must have been for them, which is more than Josh did.
Josh Duggar once made an on-camera incest “joke.” The video resurfaced over the weekend and it’s pretty gross given what we know now.
The police report has been destroyed. The documents pertaining to the 2006 investigation into Josh Duggar’s criminal acts on little girls were destroyed over the weekend, probably. In Touch Weekly filed a FOIA request for the police report, which is how this whole scandal blew up last week. Well… alright. I guess the investigation wasn’t ongoing then.
Gawker did a lengthy exposé on Advanced Training Institute. Go here to read. The Duggars are closely connected to the Advanced Training Institute, which is “a Bible-based homeschooling program run by alleged cult figurehead Bill Gothard.” Gothard also has his own sex scandal, just FYI. The Duggars follow Gothard’s home-schooling program… religiously. The program includes advice for parents on how to deal with a situation involving an older child sexually abusing his younger siblings. That advice mainly boils down to blaming the victims for dressing provocatively and behaving immodestly. Like, it’s a six-year-old’s fault for getting molested because she had evil friends, she was wearing the wrong clothes, etc.
Quiverfull mom compares Josh’s actions to “playing doctor.” Go here to read this total nonsense. I used to play doctor with a neighbor boy. We were the same age (5 years old) and we would practice kissing in my closet. That is completely and utterly different than a 14 year old groping and molesting his 7-year-old sister. And then doing it again to three other sisters and one other little girl. That we know about.
Dan Savage is my spirit animal. As he does with most things, Dan Savage is giving some great analysis on why the Duggar situation is so awful, so hypocritical, and so disturbing. Go here to read.
Last week, we heard that LeAnn Rimes and Eddie Cibrian were being sued by their former housekeeper. The housekeeper, Gloria Cevallos, claims that their home was a hostile work environment, a hotbed of ageism and racism, and that she was subjected to discrimination and verbal abuse by LeAnn and Eddie’s employees and family members. I was kind of meh on the story because… I don’t know, I’ll criticize LeAnn and Eddie for many things, but it seemed more than reasonable that this woman was just looking for a quick payout. I suggested that they throw a small amount of money at her to get her to go away. But they aren’t taking my advice. LeAnn sent this tweet to TMZ:
I love when you correct a publication's story & present them w/the truth but they choose to ignore it instead of "reporting" the truth @TMZ
LeAnn Rimes and Eddie Cibrian claim their former maid is a serial suer who concocted a ridiculous story of abuse in order to fleece her employers. Gloria Cevallos sued the couple after she got canned, claiming members of the staff went on a terror campaign against her, calling her “fat” and “old.” She says Eddie’s mom also had a thing against Salvadorians and ultimately fired her.
Sources close to LeAnn and Eddie say the couple is scoffing at the maid, saying they were always nice to her. In fact, even in the maid’s lawsuit she never accuses them of mistreatment.
LeAnn and Eddie say this is a shameless money grab, pointing to a prior claim the maid lodged against 2 other employers. Fact is … Cevallos also filed a worker’s comp claim against LeAnn and Eddie but it was thrown out. So now the maid has filed a lawsuit claiming it was a hostile work environment in the Rimes/Cibrian homestead.
Eddie and LeAnn say the suit is a last ditch effort to get quick cash, and they will fight her to the end.
First of all, this just proves that LeAnn calls up TMZ to bitch and complain and she expects them to publish her bitching under the guise of “sources close to LeAnn and Eddie.” You showed your stupid media strategy there, LeAnn. Keep that in mind for all future tabloid reporting about LeAnn and Eddie – whenever we hear “sources close to LeAnn and Eddie,” know that it’s just LeAnn. As for the other stuff… sure. It’s possible. But still, I have to ask: wouldn’t it just be easier to give this woman a quick payout? But LeAnn is such a drama queen, I bet she’s going to pour thousands of dollars in legal fees fighting this woman.
-It was a TV network bloodbath this afternoon, with NBC and ABC cancelling a bunch of shows, including Crisis, Believe, Super Fun Night, Revolution (the third JJ Abrams show to be axed this week) and a couple I actually watch: Trophy Wife, Suburgatory and — most heartbreakingly of all — Community. Now we’ll never know who the Ass Bandit is!
-Just in case you thought we were now stuck in the darkest timeline, here’s a good article on why we were lucky to get five seasons of Community in the first place.
-In really surprising news, Hannibal survived (likely because of its international funding deal, proving ratings don’t always matter when it comes to renewals).
-There’s still no word on Parenthood’s fate, and fans are freaking out. (My bet is it’s coming back, especially since NBC just wiped out its entire slate of dramas. Pay cuts are reportedly on the table though, so it all depends on if the cast is willing to play ball.)
-In happier TV news, Elisha Cuthbert, Krysten Ritter, David Duchovny, Casey Wilson and Kate Walsh are all returning to TV.
–Justin Bieber has passive-aggressively responded to Seth Rogen‘s repeated slamming of him. It hasn’t stopped Seth at all.
-Sad news: The View’s Sherri Shepherdis divorcing husbandLamar Sally.
–James Franco told Letterman he shared that naked selfie on Instagram because “it’s what the people want.” What people? I’m gonna need names!
-Also, James Franco may play Tommy Wiseau in movie about the making of The Room…which actually makes a lot of sense.
-Uh oh. Is Hilary Duffa Scientologist?
–Lupita Nyong’o‘s photos from inside the White House are so goddamn adorable!
–Rebel Wilson has been cast as the lead in a Private Benjamin remake, which I don’t hate.
-I keep forgetting that Paul Wesley is dating his former Vampire Diaries costar, Phoebe Tonkin. I’ve been side-eyeing her ever since she had a hissy fit over the fact that people were saying mean things about her character on The Originals on Tumblr. Maybe stop Googling your name, lady.
-The Breaking Bad spin-off just added three new cast members. So this is really happening, huh?
–Nicole Kidman has responded to the royal family’s outrage over her Grace Kelly biopic.
–Conan O’Brien gently eviscerated Sharon Stone’s new movie to her face on his show last night.
-I have got nothing but love for Angelina Jolie‘s crow-print dress. It’s much better than the jumpsuit-y thing she wore earlier.
-Meanwhile, here’s a new clip from Maleficent.
–Lea Michele and Glee creator Ryan Murphy are in talks to team up for a real Funny Girl Broadway revival.
–Jason Priestley‘s book tour is the gift that keeps on giving. Now he’s telling stories about former roommate Brad Pitt and a penis pump.
–Lady Gaga took a jab at Katy Perry for having green hair and riding a fake horse on tour.
–Sofia Coppola‘s The Little Mermaid isn’t even out yet, and already FunnyorDie is spoofing it.
–Miranda Lambert is laughing off the latest rumours of a divorce from Blake Shelton.
-Here’s a clip from Hilary Swank and Tommy Lee Jones‘ western The Homesman, which is heading to Cannes.
–Mila Kunistalked about her pregnancy on Ellen.
–Jon Hamm has a really, really big head.
–Steve Carrell and Jennifer Garner play frazzled parents in the trailer for Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day.
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