Chris Hemsworth in leather on the set of The Huntsman.
Category: Spoof
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“French hottie Gaspard Ulliel is always welcome stateside” links
Oh, hello Gaspard Ulliel. He was at the AFI Fest in LA this week! He’s totally the French Benedict Cumberbatch, people. [A Socialite Life]
Vladimir Putin is The Advocate’s Man of the Year. [OMG Blog]
Today is Prince Charles’ birthday! He’s 66. It’s also Yanni’s b-day. [Dlisted]
Prince Harry has been in uniform a lot lately. Rowr. [LaineyGossip]
Lorde wants to be adopted by Kim Kardashian. [Buzzfeed]
Steven Moffat is sexist about Doctor Who’s lady companions. [Pajiba]
Liv Tyler wears a really ugly Stella McCartney dress. [Go Fug Yourself]
Katie Holmes is so…zzzz…. [I’m Not Obsessed]
Alessandra Ambrosio & Adriana Lima are not the same person. [Celebslam]
Jennifer Lawrence looks preggo with a Dorito baby. [Popoholic]
Recap of Kourtney & Khloe Take the Hamptons. [Reality Tea]
Kate Upton is repping Bobbi Brown these days? [Moe Jackson]
Archer spoofs Kim Kardashian’s butt. [The Blemish]
Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 is a thing. [Gawker]
Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet.
Thanks to Cele Bitchy
As we saw yesterday, The Harlot Formerly Known As Jessa Duggar has cast a wanton spell upon her new husband, Ben Seewald. The young couple – she’s 21 and he’s 19 – were chaste and pure for so long. But then Jessa front-hugged him and ever since then, the devil has made their love a battleground of sin and impurity. First the devil comes for front-hugs. Then the devil wants you to hold hands during prayer. Pretty soon the devil is making you post drowsy, unsexy kiss photos on Instagram. And it gets even worse than that!!! According to some pearl-clutching busybody at Jessa and Ben’s weekend wedding, Jessa is such a wanton trollop that she pulled Ben into some church closet so that they could front-hug without clothes just seconds after they said their vows. UNCLEAN!!! God is watching you fornicate, even if it only lasts about 12 seconds.
Jessa Duggar and Ben Seewald famously shared a private first kiss away from the altar immediately after their enormous wedding ceremony last weekend. But according to a shocked guest, the newlyweds may have done more than just smooch— and their steamy tryst wasn’t so private after all!
Wedding guest Mary B. claimed outrageous rumors spread among shocked guests at the reception that Jessa, 21, and Ben, 19, were caught in an act of “lust” when her free-spirited sister Jinger, 20, accidently opened the door to the couple’s “kiss” room in the Arkansas church.
“Multiple people were discussing that when Jinger opened the door to get Jess for the reception, she immediately closed the door with a look of shock on her face,” Mary alleged on Christian fundamentalist blog “My Life As A Stay At Home Wife And Mom.” “A big group of the girls were waiting outside the room to walk with her out…and my own daughters saw as well.”
“I am not sure why they would not wait for the evening to pray and then consummate God’s marriage,” Mary continued. “The Lord has blessed them and brought them together. To hear so many people discussing what they inadvertently walked into was heartbreaking and troubling….I believe Jessa and Ben are in deep lust with each other.”
You can read the whole sorry, sinful story in the comments of this blog post. My favorite part? The mystery of why “they would not wait for the evening to pray and then consummate God’s marriage.” Does praying before sex make it hotter? ‘Cause I think it would kill the mood. But then again, I’m not some prissy fundamentalist who thinks it’s UNCLEAN for a newly married couple to get their front-hug on just as soon as the vows were spoken. Anyway, I’m not sure if I believe that Jessa and Ben were going FULL FRONT-HUG in the back of the church. I think they probably kissed (and Ben probably kept his lips tightly shut, thankyouverymuch HARLOT!) and maybe Jessa tried to get Ben to touch her boobs. And he probably cried about it and that’s what Jinger saw.
Update: There’s some concern that this whole thing might be a spoof. I think the original fundamentalist Christian blog is for real, but the comment on that blog – the comment with this UNCLEAN story – is probably a spoof. Or maybe the whole thing is a spoof. Could be.
Photos courtesy of Jessa’s Facebook & Instagram.
Source Cele Bitchy
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Emma Watson’s Magical Graduation Selfie
Photo: twitter.com/EmWatson
–Hermione really is the smartest witch that ever was. Proof: Emma Watson graduated from Brown and tweeted a celebratory selfie.
–Christina Ricci‘s rep confirmed she’s expecting her first child, just in case this photo didn’t already convince you.
–James Franco posted (and then quickly deleted) another gross selfie, but the internet forgets nothing!
–Sofia Vergara has split from creepy fiance Nick Loeb yet again. Let’s hope this time sticks.
-This has been a damn great week for TV (The Americans, Hannibal, Louis, Orphan Black) but last night’s Mad Men may have just topped them all.
–Charlize Theron thinks gluten-free diets “are bullshit,” which makes me love her.
-The New York Post’s report of Kimye’s wedding is hilariously bitchy.
-Meanwhile, Lena Dunham joked about missing the wedding — and then had to explain that she wasn’t actually invited because the internet doesn’t understand sarcasm.
–Joss Whedon is clearly standing in Edgar Wright‘s corner following the Ant Man blowup, judging by his Cornetto response.
-Speaking of departures that are leaving fanboys (and girls) in tears, Drew Goddard has left Netflix’s Daredevil.
-Arcade Fire’s Win Butler has responded to the criticism surrounding their new video, which features Andrew Garfield in drag.
–Casey Wilson got married this weekend and all of her Happy Endings costars attended, which makes me so very happy.
-House alum Lisa Edelstein also tied the knot this weekend.
-Vulture picked the Top 10 SNL sketches from this season. I wish they included Josh Hutcherson’s Josie song (which might have made me laugh more than any else on SNL in years), Tina Fey’s Girls parody, and Lena Dunham’s Scandal spoof. Kerry’s Washington‘s “What Does My Girl Say?” was great too, but it probably doesn’t age as well.
–Emmy Rossum and Michael Buble became plane buddies on a recent flight.
-Speaking of unlikely pairs, watch Jonah Hill and Julie Andrews plan their future honeymoon in this adorable clip from The Graham Norton Show.
-Finally: a positive story about Justin Bieber. He made his time spent in Cannes a little more acceptable by donating $545k to charity.
-Slightly less positive news: he’s set to appear on So You Think You Can Dance.
-I really liked the new X-Men movie, but my first thought when it ended was “did that just negate the movies that came before it?” EW does a deep dive into the ramifications.
–Patrick Stewart on the advice he’d give his 20-year-old self: “Oh, that’s so easy. I would say, “Patrick, cheer the f— up!’”
-I could watch Seth Rogen and Snoop recap Game of Thrones every week. It’s almost as good as the Gay of Thrones recaps.
-When David O. Russell texts Jennifer Lawrence at 4 in the morning offering her film roles, she says yes.
–Norm Macdonald has been campaigning hard to replace Craig Ferguson on the Late Late Show, and last night he showcased all his skills in a one-minute audition on Conan.
-Another day, another shot of Rachel Bilson baring her baby bump in Barbados.
-Meanwhile, her Hart of Dixie costar Jaime King says the actress has been wanting a baby “badly” for quite some time.
–Jim Carrey is the latest star to get in on the commencement speech action.
–Keira Knightley looks lovely on the new cover of Beach, where she talks about making peace with her career choices.
–Denzel Washington takes on the Russian mob in the new trailer for The Equalizer.
-Every clip and trailer for 22 Jump Street makes me LOL like a crazy person. I’m going to be really annoying at the theatre…
The post Emma Watson’s Magical Graduation Selfie appeared first on Scandal Sheet.
Source: Scandal Sheet
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Your Favourite TV Show Is Probably Cancelled
-It was a TV network bloodbath this afternoon, with NBC and ABC cancelling a bunch of shows, including Crisis, Believe, Super Fun Night, Revolution (the third JJ Abrams show to be axed this week) and a couple I actually watch: Trophy Wife, Suburgatory and — most heartbreakingly of all — Community. Now we’ll never know who the Ass Bandit is!
-Just in case you thought we were now stuck in the darkest timeline, here’s a good article on why we were lucky to get five seasons of Community in the first place.
-In really surprising news, Hannibal survived (likely because of its international funding deal, proving ratings don’t always matter when it comes to renewals).
-There’s still no word on Parenthood’s fate, and fans are freaking out. (My bet is it’s coming back, especially since NBC just wiped out its entire slate of dramas. Pay cuts are reportedly on the table though, so it all depends on if the cast is willing to play ball.)
-In happier TV news, Elisha Cuthbert, Krysten Ritter, David Duchovny, Casey Wilson and Kate Walsh are all returning to TV.
–Justin Bieber has passive-aggressively responded to Seth Rogen‘s repeated slamming of him. It hasn’t stopped Seth at all.
-Sad news: The View’s Sherri Shepherd is divorcing husband Lamar Sally.
–James Franco told Letterman he shared that naked selfie on Instagram because “it’s what the people want.” What people? I’m gonna need names!
-Also, James Franco may play Tommy Wiseau in movie about the making of The Room…which actually makes a lot of sense.
-Uh oh. Is Hilary Duff a Scientologist?
–Lupita Nyong’o‘s photos from inside the White House are so goddamn adorable!
–Rebel Wilson has been cast as the lead in a Private Benjamin remake, which I don’t hate.
-I keep forgetting that Paul Wesley is dating his former Vampire Diaries costar, Phoebe Tonkin. I’ve been side-eyeing her ever since she had a hissy fit over the fact that people were saying mean things about her character on The Originals on Tumblr. Maybe stop Googling your name, lady.
-The Breaking Bad spin-off just added three new cast members. So this is really happening, huh?
–Nicole Kidman has responded to the royal family’s outrage over her Grace Kelly biopic.
–Conan O’Brien gently eviscerated Sharon Stone’s new movie to her face on his show last night.
-I have got nothing but love for Angelina Jolie‘s crow-print dress. It’s much better than the jumpsuit-y thing she wore earlier.
-Meanwhile, here’s a new clip from Maleficent.
–Lea Michele and Glee creator Ryan Murphy are in talks to team up for a real Funny Girl Broadway revival.
–Jason Priestley‘s book tour is the gift that keeps on giving. Now he’s telling stories about former roommate Brad Pitt and a penis pump.
–Lady Gaga took a jab at Katy Perry for having green hair and riding a fake horse on tour.
–Sofia Coppola‘s The Little Mermaid isn’t even out yet, and already FunnyorDie is spoofing it.
–Miranda Lambert is laughing off the latest rumours of a divorce from Blake Shelton.
-Here’s a clip from Hilary Swank and Tommy Lee Jones‘ western The Homesman, which is heading to Cannes.
–Mila Kunis talked about her pregnancy on Ellen.
–Jon Hamm has a really, really big head.
–Steve Carrell and Jennifer Garner play frazzled parents in the trailer for Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day.
The post Your Favourite TV Show Is Probably Cancelled appeared first on Scandal Sheet.
Source: Scandal Sheet
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Ellen And Portia Take Their Turn Spoofing Kim And Kanye’s Video
Ellen DeGeneres is bringing the gold lately. First she gave us “Mad Men Without Cigarettes“. Now she and wife Portia de Rossi are participating in what I hope will be a time-honored tradition: making fun of Kim and Kanye’s “Bound2″ music video. Seth Rogen and James Franco already did it, so now it’s Ellen and Portia’s turn. They spoofed the video for their Christmas card (above). Nice work, ladies! Sure beats the Kardashian Christmas card (of which Ellen joked, “It is real, I’ve been staring at it all day and I have still not found Waldo.”)
Let’s hope Kanye has a sense of humor about it and doesn’t make Ellen his new Jimmy Kimmel.
Thanks to Evil Beet
Betty White is promoting ‘Off Their Rockers’ by making fun of Miley Cyrus’ awful naked Wrecking Ball video.
Betty hops on the ol’ wrecking ball and rides it, but thankfully she is wearing clothes, unlike Miley.
“I was asked to help promote my show Off Their Rockers, which is coming to Lifetime. So I got some ideas from recent pop culture events that really got the kids talking … Can someone bring me a sledgehammer? … How about a foam finger?”
We love you, Betty!
The post Betty White Wrecking Ball Spoof: Better Than Miley! appeared first on Celebrity Smack.
Thanks to celebritysmack