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In Touch: Jessica Simpson is ‘hell bent on landing a Vegas residency’

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When you think Jessica Simpson you think platform shoes, farts, and bags with needless fringe right? You don’t think “singer” at this point, but that’s how she got her start in the business. That and being ditzy on TV. According to In Touch, which would have little reason to make up a story about Jessica Simpson because it’s not like she’s a huge draw, Jessica wants to return to music for the next stage of her career. She wants a lucrative deal in Vegas like Britney, Mariah and Celine. Nevermind the fact that she hasn’t put out an album since 2010′s Happy Christmas. Watch out, Britney Spears! Jessica Simpson is looking to revive her singing career by seeking out a Vegas residency, In Touch has exclusively learned. “She’s hell-bent on landing a Vegas residency,” a source reveals, explaining that Jess recently built a recording studio in her LA home and began working with top songwriter-producers like Linda Perry. “With state-of-the art technology and backdrops paired with her sex appeal, she thinks she can give the other headliners a run for their money,” says the source. “After 20 years in the music business, Jess is excited to follow her dreams and become a Vegas legend.” [From In Touch] Quick name one song by Jessica Simpson. You can’t, can you? The only thing that comes to mind is a video she did with Eva Longoria which involved roller skating. I can name more Paris Hilton songs (one) than I can Jessica Simpson songs. Googling “Jessica Simpson hits” brings up her remake of “These Boots Are Made for Walking” and such singles as 1999′s “I Wanna Love You Forever” and 2006′s “A Public Affair.” I guess that’s the video with Eva Longoria, but the song is completely forgettable. I just listened to it again and am reminded that it’s a ripoff of Madonna’s “Holiday.” If this is true, and Simpson wants a Vegas residency, she has to have songs that people want to hear, it’s not enough to be able to writhe around on stage. None of her music videos have over 5 million views on YouTube. This isn’t happening for her. Jessica’s last venture was a commercial for Budget rent-a-car. Is her clothing line not doing well? Last week The Enquirer reported that Jessica and her husband, Eric Johnson, spend $50,000 every month on food and drinks and “have cases of the finest wines and champagnes delivered to their home every week,” eat at expensive restaurants and “get deliveries from places like Little Dom’s or La Poubelle.” So maybe their spending is a issue. Update: Jessica’s rep denies that she’s seeking a Vegas residency. She is working on new music. Maze to create ? @kristingram A photo posted by Jessica Simpson (@jessicasimpson) on May 24, 2016 at 6:53pm PDT ??? A photo posted by Jessica Simpson (@jessicasimpson) on May 11, 2016 at 7:35pm PDT photos credit: Budget Rent-a-Car via WENN.com

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Johnny Depp’s ex-assistant claims Amber Heard is lying about the 2014 texts

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One of the most frustrating things about the Amber Heard-Johnny Depp situation is not just the bro-culture of Johnny’s fans, but the blatantly misogynistic tone of some/much of the reporting. The way Amber’s story has been second-guessed and third-guessed and fourth-guessed by TMZ and other outlets has gotten ridiculous at this point. So, let’s talk about some of TMZ’s reporting. Yesterday, we covered Entertainment Tonight’s exclusive about the alleged text messages sent between Amber and Johnny’s then-assistant, a man named Stephen Deuters. In the text messages (reportedly from 2014) that ET published, Deuters and Amber were texting about an incident that happened the night before, where Depp kicked Amber in a drunken rage. Deuters told Amber that Johnny didn’t even remember doing it and that Johnny is “a little lost boy.” So what does TMZ have to report about those text messages? Johnny Depp’s assistant, Stephen Deuters, tells TMZ, the texts that were posted in which he allegedly apologized to Amber Heard for Johnny’s violent behavior are heavily doctored … and he never said Johnny attacked her. Deuters says he knows of no acts of abuse toward Amber at the hands of Johnny and has never made such a claim to anyone. He adds, Johnny has never been violent toward anyone he knows. Deuters says the texts themselves are suspicious because they don’t even show a date. Bottom line … he says he will testify under oath he never had a conversation about alleged violence with Amber. [From TMZ] First of all, it’s not like Amber doesn’t also have photos, witnesses and a video. Why are people acting like IF Deuters is telling the truth, then Amber’s story should be thrown out? Second of all, telling TMZ you will testify under oath about having no knowledge of abuse is different than actually testifying under oath and being cross-examined by a series of lawyers. Do you know what I mean? Lindsay Lohan can run to TMZ and tell them any story she wants (and she has, hundreds of times), but when it comes time to actually give testimony under oath, it’s a totally different story. Especially when Amber has made it pretty clear that she’s been holding on to two years’ worth of receipts which her lawyers will use to incriminate the dudes being sent out to muddy the waters on Amber’s claims. As for those receipts, TMZ is still playing fast and loose with whether Amber has filed police reports and whether filing a police report is the make-or-break evidence in whether Johnny abused Amber for years. Many abuse victims never file police reports and it doesn’t make the abuse any less real, that’s all I’ll say. Anyway, TMZ also says that Amber has had a “change of heart” about filing a police report because she “doesn’t want to bury him” and she doesn’t want to see Depp arrested. But “sources connected with Johnny scoff at Amber’s sympathy,” and claim that Amber has just done all of this so that Alice Through the Looking Glass would bomb at the box office. Seriously? And no one is going to second-guess THAT claim? Photos courtesy of WENN.

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Sources: Calvin Harris dumped Taylor because he couldn’t handle her success

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A lot of people think I’m a Taylor Swift-hater. I’m really not! I like to call her out on her bulls—t, of course, but I actually love her. I love that she rarely takes the high road. I love that she’s so smart in business and an absolute idiot when it comes to romance. I love that you can always count on Taylor to be a melodramatic narcissist. I even love the fact that absolutely NO ONE believed that Taylor and Calvin Harris’s split was going to be drama-free. Where’s the fun in that? So I had a smile on my face when I read People Magazine’s new exclusive story on The End of the Fairy Tale. Guess how Team Swifty is spinning the fact that Taylor got dumped again? Calvin Harris was intimidated by her success! Calvin Harris and Taylor Swift’s relationship ended because the DJ was “intimidated” by her success, a friend of the singer tells PEOPLE. “[Harris] said on multiple occasions that he was intimidated by Taylor, which is why he would not attend any events where she was being honored, or any award shows unless he was nominated,” explains Swift’s friend. Harris, 32, was notably absent when Swift co-chaired the Met Gala last month, as well as at the Grammys ceremony in February, and when the “Bad Blood” singer accepted an award named after her at the May BMI Pop Awards. But Swift is holding her head high, adds the pal. “Taylor is an independent young woman, and she realizes it will take a very secure man to handle her success,” says her friend. A source close to the DJ – whom sources confirm ultimately pulled the plug on the relationship – tells PEOPLE that the split “wasn’t a shock” for Swift because the couple had ongoing issues. “They come from very different worlds,” the source explains. “Taylor is used to being treated a certain way.” The Harris insider added that he didn’t feel like the relationship was “leading anywhere.” “It wasn’t an equal relationship. Their age difference might not be significant for many couples, but for them it was part of the problem too,” says the Harris source. “Taylor somewhat lacks real-life experience. They will not be getting back together.” Regardless, the insider says that Harris still has high praise for his ex, noting that the Scottish star “very much admires her as a person and what she has been able to do with her career. This is what drew him to her in the first place. She works incredibly hard for things that she believes in,” the Harris source says. He always saw that as an amazing quality. They are still friendly.” [From People] “She realizes it will take a very secure man to handle her success…” You guys, I’m telling you… I love Taylor Swift. SO MUCH DRAMA! She’s basically telling the world that she got dumped because poor little Calvin Harris felt emasculated by her success. She’s calling him insecure. She’s saying that he couldn’t handle the fact that she’s so rich, beautiful and acclaimed. Is that the truth? Does it matter? As for the quotes from Team Calvin sources… well, this was always the reason why Calvin and Taylor were perfect together. He gives as good as he gets, and he’s great at unleashing his inner bitch. “Taylor somewhat lacks real-life experience.” OUCH. He’s saying she’s immature, naïve and insular. “They will not be getting back together.” As in, she wanted to get back together and he didn’t. Meanwhile, the National Enquirer says that Taylor was convinced that Calvin was cheating on her after that now-infamous massage parlor incident. And sources claim Calvin was convinced that Taylor was cheating on him after he heard about her behavior with Tom Hiddleston at the Met Gala. There are a lot of people who think TIDDLES (Taylor + Hiddles) could be a reality soon. Still, other people want to see Taylor go for Prince Harry. I don’t see that, mostly because Taylor is SO not Harry’s type. Blake Lively is Harry’s type. I think TIDDLES is a better possibility than TARRY. Photos courtesy of WENN, Pacific Coast News.

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People Mag: Johnny Depp & Amber Heard ‘should have never gotten married’

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Here are some photos of Johnny Depp in Stockholm on Monday. He’s still touring Europe with his band, the Hollywood Vampires. Do you think Team Depp’s crisis management just operates without him? Or is Depp on those conference calls, suggesting quotes that need to be placed in People Magazine? The only thing I know for sure is that Team Depp was hard at work on Memorial Day. Their current vibe is “let’s throw everything against the wall and see what sticks.” Which is the only explanation for two of the most blatantly pro-Depp pieces thus far, in People Magazine and TMZ. Some highlights: TMZ’s police sources are chatty. TMZ’s “law enforcement sources” want you to know that Amber Heard did not tell police officers that Johnny Depp had smashed her in the face with an iPhone. TMZ’s sources have already claimed that Amber was sporting no visible injuries and now they’re reiterating that Amber did not tell cops the whole story. TMZ ends their story with this: “We’re told Amber still has not filed a police report. If Johnny’s right and he never touched her … had she filed an official report she could be prosecuted for a felony — filing a phony police report.” Just what every victim of domestic abuse wants to hear, right? If you do come forward and tell (gossipy) police officers about your abuse, you could be prosecuted. Thanks, TMZ! Update: Oh, great, TMZ has another story about how Amber tried to “set up” Johnny by screaming for security when they were 20 feet away from each other. Amber and Johnny should have never gotten married. And now for the “derp” part of Team Depp’s media strategy, People Magazine has unnamed sources saying the most obvious things. Things like “they are just not good together. They had lots of problems before they got married, and should have never gotten married. Their personalities are just not compatible.” YA THINK? People’s source also says Heard caused a lot of “drama” and that she “exacerbates” his “jealousy issues,” and Depp is “very insecure when it comes to Amber.” I love that she’s getting the blame for “exacerbating” his unhinged jealousy. OH SHE MADE HIM JELLY. Then she totally deserved it, right? Amber is incredibly upset. E! News has one of the few pieces with quotes from pro-Amber sources. E!’s source says: “This has been incredibly upsetting for Amber but she knows she is doing the right thing. It has been very traumatic for her to finally speak out, but she needs to do what she can to protect herself.” The source also says that Amber “tried to hide what was really happening in the marriage from most of her friends because she wanted to believe that it would get better. That things would change. But ultimately they didn’t and so she had to do what she did to stop it.” I believe that. You know why? Because it happens all the time. The victim believes that things will change for the better. The victim is embarrassed that this is happening. The victim doesn’t think anyone will believe her/him. The victim doesn’t want to tell other people because then it becomes real. Meanwhile, Amber’s team finally responded to Doug Stanhope’s guest column in The Wrap (you can see our coverage here). Stanhope claimed that Amber was “blackmailing” Depp, and Stanhope based his accusations on stuff that Depp had told him. Amber’s lawyer tells The Wrap that Stanhope’s “allegations against Ms. Heard are absolutely and unequivocally false” and that the guest column “has no basis in reality and is nothing but the typical celebrity muckraking for profit.” Amber’s lawyer demanded that The Wrap take the column down and they’re currently speaking to their lawyers, but Amber’s lawyer told The Wrap: “It is highly offensive and disturbing that you would choose to publish it in the first place.” Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet.

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Liam Hemsworth FINALLY Opens Up About Relationship With Miley Cyrus

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Liam Hemsworth has been impressively silent when it comes to his relationship with Miley Cyrus. The two rekindled their relationship around the new year, but neither party has spoken publicly about it. Now, in an interview with GQ Australia, Liam opens up a little and confirms he and Miley are very much back on, confessing that she makes him happy. “I guess when I feel something, then I just feel it and I go for it,” Hemsworth said, speaking about their relationship. “I make my decisions about what’s going to make me happy, what I think is right and what I want to do — and I don’t worry too much outside of that,” he continued. While the Hunger Games actor does not specifically reveal their exact relationship status, he hinted that fans already knew. “People will figure it out, they already have,” he said. “They’re not dumb.” What the WHAT?! What does he mean we’ve figured it out? In the past few months, we’ve heard rumors of an engagement, a pregnancy, cheating by both parties, breakups and even a secret, unofficial beach wedding in which they exchanged palm fronds for rings. Is he saying it’s all true? You’re killing us, Liam. The most prevalent rumor as of now is that the two are engaged to be married and are preparing to wed sometime this year in Liam’s native Australia. We’ve also received reports that Miley is pregnant and planning a shotgun wedding, but we’re going to go out on a limb and say that’s probably false. But you never know, and Liam hasn’t denied it. View Slideshow: Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth: Relive the Romance!

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Star: Joaquin Phoenix is almost broke, but still spending $5 million a year

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Joaquin Phoenix has been getting photographed every few months in LA this year. He’s not working, but he seems to be keeping busy, taking martial arts classes and picking up cigarettes and energy drinks. Whenever I see pap photos of him, he seems to be doing well enough. But he hasn’t worked in more than a year. His last film was Woody Allen’s Irrational Man, which filmed in the summer of 2014. While Joaquin has flirted with signing on to some big projects – like Doctor Strange, which Marvel really wanted – nothing has really happened. And now Star Magazine says that Joaquin’s finances are in shambles and he needs to stop being so picky and/or shady. Joaquin Phoenix is in talks to play Jesus in a new movie, but he needs divine intervention to turn around his finances! “Joaquin needs to make $5 million a year to support his lifestyle, and so far this year he’s made zero,” an insider says, explaining that his attitude has so far cost him Jared Leto’s role in Suicide Squad, Lex Luthor in Batman v Superman and even the lead in the Doctor Strange flick out this November. “Getting him to sign on the dotted line is a nightmare,” says an industry insider. “He’ll drag out the salary negotiations for months, which holds up production and costs the studios more money in the end.” Not he’s hoping to get back in the black by playing the son of God in a Mary Magdalene flick costarring Rooney Mara. “Joaquin is confident he’ll get the part, but it’s not a done deal,” tattles the friend. “If he starts insisting on things like a feng-shui’d trailer and an on-call vegan chef plus an insane $15 million paycheck, he’s going to lose this role too. And that could mean he’ll be completely out of money by the end of the year.” [From Star Magazine, print edition] I never really think of Joaquin as a demanding diva or a money-strapped spendthrift. Is he temperamental? Sure. Does he believe his indie street cred would be damaged by taking roles in comic book movies? Probably. But is he the guy who blows through $5 million a year? Eh. Is he the guy who spends months arguing for bigger and bigger paychecks? Eh. My guess is that Joaquin argues for more money on films he really doesn’t want to do. Also: while the Doctor Strange thing has been verified, I didn’t know Joaquin was up for the Joker and Lex Luthor. Did he really say no to all three parts? Yikes. He would have been a much better and creepier Joker than Jared Leto. Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet.

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Duchess Kate repeats a McQueen for the Queen’s garden party: cute or meh?

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I wouldn’t have even used this ^^ photo but the @KensingtonRoyal Twitter account actually posted this pic to promote the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge’s appearance at Tuesday’s Buckingham Palace garden party. Isn’t that interesting? The KensingtonRoyal account – the official account for Will, Kate and Harry – is often accused of cherry-picking particular images that reflect the younger royals as looking particular good and/or engaged. But this photo seems particularly unfortunate for Kate – it’s almost like the KP press office is just owning the fact that this is Kate’s Social-Interaction-Face. As for Will and Kate’s appearance at the palace yesterday, Kate has been to the annual garden party several times before, but this is William’s first time. I would suspect that, if pressed, his press office would say that this is the first time he’s ever had an opening in his diary to attend! Kate repeated an Alexander McQueen coatdress which we saw back in 2013, for Prince George’s christening. I didn’t really care for it then, and I really don’t care for it now. The boob ruffle is just odd, and whenever Kate tries to move her arms (to touch her hair, or whatever), the coat bunches up in weird places. The whole thing looks sloppy, and it’s not just the sh-tty tailoring. It’s the design! Why would anyone want a big, vertical ruffle down their chest? Will and Kate also chatted with some medical personnel at the garden party, because apparently the “support” OBGYNs who delivered George and Charlotte were there. Maybe this makes me sound prissy, but I would not want to socialize with my gyno at a garden party at the palace. That just seems awkward and unnecessary. You can read some quotes from the doctors here. They’re very forthcoming with details about the lead-up to the royal births. Also, check out the refreshments at the garden party! I hope Will and Kate are taking notes on the Queen’s refreshments – when Will and Kate hosted a get-together before their India-Bhutan tour, the refreshments were really struggling. That strawberry (??) cake looks AMAZING. ? A selection of the cakes available to guests at today's Garden Party pic.twitter.com/E1ZL1KaYtX — The Royal Family (@RoyalFamily) May 24, 2016 Embed from Getty Images Embed from Getty Images Embed from Getty Images Photos courtesy of @KensingtonRoyal and Getty.